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Key points
- The longer we live, the more likely we are to experience loss.
- Grief can be overwhelming and make us feel like we will never love again.
- It helps to take a step back and treasure our memories of the good times we spent together.
Have you ever thought about how powerful your thoughts are? Our thoughts hold a lot of say over how we feel and act. I am also a believer that we have the ability to choose how we react to our thoughts. How we look at things affects how we interact with our world. The perspective we have in relation to our grief can be the difference between living a life of pain or living a life of love.
Loss is inevitable in life.
The second you enter into a relationship with anyone, it will end in some way at some point. This is a life truth. There are two sides to this experience, though, when you do lose someone. You have a choice to focus on not necessarily all that was lost but, instead, making the choice to focus on all that was gained when that relationship was in your life. This is not inherently easy to do, but it can be a very beneficial practice. A healthy way to heal would be to focus on what that loved one brought to your life and all of the beautiful times you had with them. Some people wear their grief so heavily that they shut off from the world or may even give up on life.
Hopelessness or intense despair is one of the key factors of suicidal ideation. This is the sense that “I will never be happy again. I will never find love again.” An outlook like this only adds flames to the fire of pain. What if instead, as a person who has just experienced loss, you consciously focus on remembering everything great about that person, all of the amazing memories, and all of the wonderful experiences? There is always hope if we don’t give up. Trust that in life, we can love again with new people that come into our lives.
If we live long enough, sooner or later, we will probably lose both of our parents. If you are an animal lover, it’s inevitable that they most likely won’t live as long as you either. You may have a friend who passed away or a loved one who died of cancer. Honestly, the examples of losing a being we love are endless. When a loss occurs, whether through moving, a breakup, or death, we can still be OK. We can remember the beautiful moments and celebrate them rather than focusing on the relationship being over. Choosing to keep living, finding joy in life, and creating new memories are all healthy coping options.
Following the theme of perspective and impermanence, I also enjoy learning about near-death experiences. There are millions of reports around the world about this phenomenon. I have found something rather beautiful in examining thousands of these cases myself. Some people believe that when they die, they are dead for eternity. Ironically, these people who don’t believe in the afterlife and have near-death experiences report accounts of being greeted by loved ones that have passed before them. I personally find so much comfort in learning about these experiences. It brings me so much peace, especially in times of grief.
How to cope with grief:
It helps to be thankful for the life you shared with a person after they are gone. What if, instead of sitting in the pain of losing the person, you said, “I am beyond thankful for the memories and connection I had with you, and I am also going to continue living and create new connections with new people.”
When you do lose somebody or something, it is helpful to recognize all of the love that still exists within your life currently. There may be so many other people who still love you or pets who adore you. You can not replace the love you lost, but looking at all of the love and support that still exists within you and with others is powerful.
When you choose this alternative path of grieving, you open up a door for others to walk through as well. When your day comes to go home, to be done with this life on Earth, imagine if others remembered you like this. The beings who care about you now get the opportunity to reminisce about your memory. How amazing is it that they get to smile in their hearts because of what happened between them and you? I’m sure your heart would break if those you love stopped living their lives because they were stuck in grief over you.
Life can be cruel. Life can take your husband or take your child way too soon. I am not saying this isn’t painful. I am saying you have a choice, though, to take an approach of gratitude and thankfulness for having a person who was so important in your life that it hurts so much to lose them. The impact that person or experience had on you must’ve been full of so much love, and it would be unfair if you didn’t acknowledge how much you do love them.
If we shift our focus from crying over the relationship being over and instead smiling in our hearts because it happened, we have a much higher chance of healing. I think hope rises out of those ashes, too, when we make this choice. We can remember everything beautiful that happened with them, we can honor their life, and we can absolutely love again.
