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Key points
- Finding life's purpose can promote resilience during times of suffering.
- For the non-religious, building a personal system of meaning is a necessary but daunting task.
- Altruism, self-knowledge, fatalism, absurdism, and surrender are all ways to make sense of life.
Given that the universe is infinite and continually expanding, finding the meaning of life is a comically tall order. We'll save finding the meaning of all life for another day. But finding the meaning of your life, specifically, can help you remain resilient through illness, trauma, and loss. Meaning acts as an internal compass on the twisting journey of life.
Losing your sense of life’s meaning can land you in an existential depression. It’s hard to get out of bed in the morning when every day feels meaningless. If you have a religious or faith tradition, you have an existing structure of meaning–role models, stories, and codes of behavior to guide you on your path.
But for the growing population of non-religious folks, meaning may be more difficult to discern. You have to create a personalized internal system of meaning–and often, you’re starting from scratch. There is no structure, no guideline, no certainty of life after death. No pressure.
To kick start your meaning quest, I would like to propose five options for the meaning of life–along with the benefits and pitfalls of each. Choose wisely.
Option 1: The Meaning of Life Is Human Connection
The Pros: Altruism, justice, and service are values that everyone can get behind. That's why these values are prominent in faith traditions around the world. Forming meaningful, loving relationships is about as close to miraculous as you get in a non-religious life. Spend your life looking for opportunities to help. Focus on developing your kindness and patience with others.
The Cons: You can’t devote yourself to service without wrestling with these questions: who is worthy of being helped? What is the best, most effective way to help? Who gets the limited resources? This presents some thorny ethical dilemmas that can throw a wrench in your meaning-making process. This way of living also requires you to face your powerlessness to help everyone, as well as the full weight of human suffering.
Option 2: The Meaning of Life Is Determined by Fate
The Pros: Everything happens for a reason. All your experiences lead you to become who you were meant to be. This can be a very comforting way of making meaning out of difficult experiences. It imbues painful events with purpose because you could not have become the person you are today without suffering.
The Cons: It can be difficult to make sense of fate if something horrific happens to you. What, you may think, could be a compelling enough reason for a senseless violent death or the suffering of a helpless child? You also need to consider who exactly is directing the fate of the universe and wrestle with fate’s sense of fairness, with which you may not always agree.
Option 3: The Meaning of Life Is Self-Actualization
The Pros: Becoming your best self is the most important project of your life. This isn’t about being selfish or self-centered. This is about fully owning your personal responsibility. You are the only thing that you can control in a chaotic world. Get to know your strengths, limitations, weaknesses, and passions in intimate detail. Devote yourself to personal growth.
The Cons: When you focus on self-knowledge, you run the risk of isolating yourself from others. Also, part of the human experience is feeling confusion and ambivalence. Everyone has moments when they are unsure of who they are or what they want. If you hang your hat on self-knowledge, it can be very frightening to face the fact that you may never fully know yourself all the way down.
Option 4: The Meaning of Life Is to Enjoy It
The Pros: A field of wildflowers, a baby's laugh, a sunset over the ocean. There are so many beautiful, delightful things out there. Dance parties! Chocolate bars! Hugs! With a reasonable degree of certainty, you know that you only have one life, and your time is finite. You might as well devote yourself to fully enjoying the beauty and pleasure of simply being alive.
The Cons: Enjoyment, unfortunately, is not equal opportunity. If you have more money, time, and resources, you have more access to beautiful sights and pleasurable activities. Knowing that not everyone can share in your enjoyment can make it feel a little hollow. This way of living also requires you to keep an eye on yourself so that you don't become a self-centered hedonist.
Option 5: The Meaning of Life Is That Life Has No Meaning
The Pros: Nothing means anything, and that’s okay! The universe is a chaotic system devoid of order. Wonderful events and terrible misfortunes happen in equal randomness. You have no control and can finally surrender to the ebbs and flows of life. This way of thinking is known as absurdism. Regard the chaos of the universe with dark humor. Celebrate when something good happens because it was not guaranteed! When something bad happens, understand that it is not a punishment. You are united with the rest of humanity in your helplessness, joy, and suffering.
The Cons: All of humanity is in a tiny boat out at sea, being tossed by the whims of the universe. That is frankly terrifying. On good days, it’s easy to view the chaotic universe with tenderness and humor. If you believe life is meaningless on bad days, it’s easy to lose motivation to build a good life.
Option 6: The Meaning of Life Is Unknowable
The Pros: How could you be expected to wrap your mind around the vastness of space? You are only a teensy tiny sliver of the known universe. Take it easy on yourself! Why should your human brain be able to make sense of life–when there are so many things you do not, and will not ever, know? Instead of passively letting life happen to you, make peace with the fact that you will never understand the universe. Fully embrace the unsolvable mystery of life.
The Cons: We are neurologically wired to try to make sense of our experience. Surrendering to the fact that you will never know is actually pretty difficult. The mind resists it. This is a continual practice of letting go, embracing humility, and yielding to not knowing.
