With Love to My (Childless) Aunts

As I declutter the family home this summer, I come across heirlooms and keepsakes that remind me of my aunts. I had a few amazing, impressive, and lovable aunts and grand aunts—professional women without children who were vital anchors for the family. They were ancestors in the most ancestral sense. I've read they are sometimes called PANKs, or Professional Aunts with No Kids.

Aunt Sylvia on the left

Source: Author's own

This is an elegy for them. Each item, photo, and heirloom of theirs that I pick up is an occasion for loving gratitude, admiration, or both. There is Ferdinanda, a teacher who lost her eyesight at age 50 due to glaucoma, which was not treatable at that time. Yet, she never lost her good spirit or deep spirituality. I recently sorted her impressive theological library, which she collected well into her 90s. Consciously frugal, she saved much of her moderate disability pension and bequeathed it to the next generation.

Southwestern copper bracelets

Source: Example by 'Collector of Collections'/Pinterest

Then there's Anneliese, an SME accountant who kept her household bookkeeping in impeccable order and transparency until her death, leaving a lesson in financial literacy for her nieces and nephews. Aunt Sylvia, whom I heard so much about but never met in person, was a second-generation immigrant to the U.S. She preserved the German language, studied at Berkeley, taught at Illinois, and lived much of her life in Arizona. I feel her chutzpah whenever I wear her Southwestern copper bracelets.

And there are several still-living PANKs whose humor, generosity, and warmth enrich my family—and one notable PUNK, an uncle who proudly holds his own in this crowd.

I thank them in my mind every day. I experience firsthand the benefits of intergenerational connections the Harvard Grant Study detailed. Active aunts and ancestors are vital in fostering a sense of identity and continuity. This can be particularly meaningful when individuals draw strength from the stories, values, and experiences of their ancestors, which provide a sense of belonging and purpose. Sylvia’s story of intellectual curiosity and world travel has inspired not only her nieces and nephews but also their offspring.

Supportive and nurturing relationships beyond the nuclear family can be a valuable source of emotional support. I know that Ferdinanda’s resilience and strength of soul helped my grandmother on several occasions. The economic resources of aunts and uncles, as well as their more neutral viewpoints in decision-making, have been shown to unite families globally and contribute to nieces' and nephews' educational success.

Childlessness is an important factor in this. Robert Milardo, in The Forgotten Kin, shows that childless aunts (but not as much uncles) are particularly happy to invest their time and resources in their nieces and nephews, significantly contributing to their well-being.

In reflecting on the invaluable contributions of PANKs, it's clear that they play a significant role in shaping the lives of their nieces and nephews. They provide not only material support but also emotional and spiritual guidance, fostering a rich sense of identity and continuity across generations. No longer should PANKs be the forgotten kin; instead, they deserve to be celebrated and cherished for their unique and lasting impact. As we recognize and honor these remarkable women, we express our deep gratitude for their love, wisdom, and generosity, which continue to enrich our lives in countless ways.

Facebook image: Drazen Zigic/Shutterstock