Empathetic Communication in AI, Nature, and Humans

We become more efficient when we mimic nature. Consider how nature-based architectural design has been shown to promote productivity, one psilocybin-assisted therapy session has shown to be potentially more effective than the daily use of antidepressants, and outdoor learning leads to deeper and broader learning.

Communication pathways have been seen in almost all of nature. It’s fascinating to know that when a leaf senses being eaten, it communicates through the air to let the other branches activate their immune system (Schlanger, 2024). Effective communication is the hallmark of any thriving system; it is how we gain strength by working together. Ecosystems are communities of life and death, give and take, communicating in perfect balance.

To communicate effectively, we need empathy. Empathy in conversation is the skill of understanding the emotional undertone of the other person (Lockwood, 2018). When we understand with emotion, we can respond accurately and connect deeply.

AI Empathy vs. Human Empathy

A common tip shared in popular self-help books is to rephrase what the other person said using different words. The idea behind this tip is that it makes the other person feel heard and uses cognitive empathy; artificial intelligence programs like ChatGPT are programmed to do the same. However, there is a difference between being heard and being understood. There are unlimited layers of understanding we can tap into with emotional empathy, as some very loving humans do (Chakrabarti, 2006).

Do you know what lacks emotional empathy? Robots.

Here is a conversation I just had with my assistant ChatGPT:

Me: I am scared and would love some warmth

ChatGPT: I'm here for you. It's okay to feel scared sometimes. Remember, you're not alone, and reaching out is a brave step. How can I best support you right now? If you'd like, we can talk about what's on your mind or even just chat about something comforting.

Me: I'm just scared about the future of healthcare

ChatGPT: *Wrote an essay of regurgitated ideas*

Source: ChatGPT

Cognitive and emotional empathy can be hard to distinguish in writing because, again, emotional empathy has a depth to it that not everyone can immediately recognize on the screen. At first glance, ChatGPT’s response may seem empathetic, but as a trained crisis counselor who has worked in youth mental health for years, I can detect the communication model it is using, and it does not feel organic. You know who else can detect that? Youth who have experienced lots of textbook-trained counselors. When I worked for a youth-focused response line, we were trained to follow a specific model of communication: Build rapport, validate, identify strengths, and set goals. It sounds amazing, right? The formula seems to work, and it helps counselors with poor communication have at least something appropriate to say, just like ChatGPT did above, but is it therapeutic at the deepest level?

No. It is predictable, superficial, and devoid of real warmth.

Real Communication

Cognitive empathy-based training and robots are not good enough for therapeutic support because they do not build a real emotional empathy-based deep connection in which unspoken love and comfort are transferred to the other person. Psychologist Carl Rogers famously advocated for "unconditional positive regard" in psychotherapy, and in order to provide that, we need to develop emotional empathy. Emotional empathy is authentic, and it is not always about what we say.

I once worked at a youth mental health facility, and one of our young girls had cut herself. I took her into the office, gave her a hug, let her cry, and then we sat in silence as I tended to her. Then we went outside and continued sitting in silence, taking in the fresh air. I just sat with her and gave her a warm presence. She ended up naturally opening up to me about her past, sharing stories that she had struggled to share with her family and therapist until now. In the end, she went to bed with a smile on her face and hope in her heart.

Emotional empathy is the deepest form of connection we can establish, and do you know what is amazing about that? The longest study on happiness yet undertaken concluded that the deeper our connections, the happier we feel (Waldinger, 2023). This means that when we simply develop our ability to empathize, we can actually be happier because we will automatically be able to connect with so much more in our environment, even the trees—and nature is intelligent beyond our imagination (Schlanger, 2024).

Nature's Messages: Diversity and Unity

Redwood trees are the oldest trees in the world. They have withstood all sorts of natural disasters. But their roots do not grow deep. So how do they have their strength? Well, although their roots stay close to the surface, they connect with each other; their strength is in unity. Hold on, it gets better: Different species of trees do not discriminate; they distribute nutrients and connect to different kinds of trees without hesitation. This means that their strength is in unity and diversity. What a lovely message for us to integrate into the way we work. Our strength is also unity through teamwork: A car won’t build itself; it needs different people with different parts to join together and create the final product with nuance.

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With the AI revolution, we are going to need the authentic human touch more than ever. Mental health services need to be especially mindful of training staff in emotional empathy, which I don’t think a robot will ever be able to provide. No matter how sophisticated its words become, it will always be a robot. What sets us apart is that we have real emotions, we have a soul, and we have the capacity to truly love and care, which lets us form deep bonds—and forming such bonds is one of the most enriching experiences of being alive.

Also, thanks to ChatGPT, imperfect grammar can be cool again. Imperfection feels more human.

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