The Impact of Sexting on Relationships and Mental Health

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In our increasingly digital world, sexting has become, for many, a commonplace activity. Sexting, if you don’t know, involves texted words, images, or videos of a sexual or sexually provocative nature. The content of sexts can range from clothed to unclothed, from flirty to downright pornographic, depending on the sender. Mostly, it is younger adults who engage in sexting, but plenty of older folks also engage in the practice.[i]

To date, we don’t know a huge amount about how sexting behaviors impact romantic relationships or the emotional well-being of sexters, though a few recent studies do shed light on the matter. In general, these studies tell us that sexting may have an impact on a person’s emotional and psychological well-being, but for the most part, the impact is relatively minimal unless the behavior is coerced, unwanted, or not reciprocated.

From a relational standpoint, sexual satisfaction may increase with sexting. However, emotional connection and longer-term commitment may decrease.

Notably, it’s not just men who are into sexting. In a 2020 study[ii] of 464 people who stated they had sexted at least once, sexting was split relatively evenly by gender (55.8% men, 44.2% women), with an average age of 31.49 years (ranging from 18 to 69). The same study found that 45.3% of the sample were typically the initiators of sexting behavior, with little difference between men and women. Notably, the study found that sexting initiators were less likely than non-initiators to feel shame or other forms of emotional discomfort around the practice. They were also more likely to sexually objectify their partner (and probably to objectify people in general, though the study did not cover this topic).

A more recent (2023) study collected sexting data from 2,160 college students.[iii] The study found that 76.6% had engaged in some form of sexting, with the majority of that sexting consensual and reciprocal. This study was less focused on who was sexting and more focused on the impact of sexting, finding that sexters generally evidenced slightly higher rates of depression, anxiety, and sleep problems, with moderately higher rates of sexually compulsive behavior and marijuana use (but not other drugs).

Results of that study varied very little by sex or sexual orientation. That said, the study did find that women were four times more likely than men to receive unsolicited sexts. It also found that participants who had sent but never received sexts reported higher rates of depression and anxiety than reciprocal sexters—perhaps related to shame about the non-consensual and non-reciprocated nature of their advances.

Another study focused on people in committed relationships.[iv] Survey participants ranged in age from 18 to 85. Interestingly, the study found that sexters, especially frequent sexters, reported increased sexual satisfaction, but with lower levels of relationship commitment and higher levels of relationship conflict. As sexting frequency increased, so did intimacy avoidance and relationship anxiety, although overall self-esteem and issues with depression were unaffected. The study also found that frequent sexters were more likely to use pornography, to check their phone during “relationship time,” and to engage in infidelity-related behaviors on social media and elsewhere.

Other research tells us that certain types of sexting or certain aspects of sexting can create problems. For instance, one study finds that consensual sexts are often disseminated by the receiver without the sender’s consent.[v] Another study found that coerced sexting and receiving unwanted sexts are associated with higher levels of depression, anxiety, and stress, along with diminished self-esteem.[vi] So reluctant and non-consensual sexting each correlate with diminished mental and emotional health.

Based on this information, I suggest that if you and your partner decide (mutually and without coercion or manipulation) to sext one another, you might find that doing so enhances your relationship. In fact, sexting with your partner can be a great way to signal sexual interest and stoke the fires for a later payoff. Moreover, it’s a fun way to say, “I’m thinking about you and looking forward to when we’re next together.”

That said, I also suggest that if you and your partner have not sexted with one another before, you discuss it first to set some boundaries. Text only? Pictures but not explicit? Explicit pics? Save or delete the pics after receipt? Share or don’t share the pics with others? Good times of day for sexting vs. bad times of day for sexting?

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If you and your partner want to explore your sexual selves in this way, and if you can agree on and respect each other’s boundaries around sexting, I believe that you can safely and happily add a bit of spice to your relationship.