Structural Dissociation and Hiding Behind "'Normal"

Growing up in an environment where emotional support from parents was lacking leaves an indelible mark on someone’s psychology. Complex trauma from narcissistic abuse is not like trauma stemming from a single isolated incident; instead, it is the result of enduring neglect and a persistent absence of empathic mirroring.

As a vulnerable child who depends on their narcissistically abusive parents, the option of escaping the pain was not feasible. The coping mechanism, therefore, became a psychic withdrawal—an internal retreat that was not visible to the outside world but concealed within the psyche.

This is when an internal “trauma split" occurred, with a part of the self being locked away, containing all the accumulated pain and anger. Even in the absence of conscious recollection, this pocket of memory silently persists, frozen in time.

Psychologists refer to this unconscious act as "structural dissociation," a process by which the mind erects walls within the psyche to compartmentalize and shield against overwhelming emotional inundation. It is a mechanism designed to protect someone from the torrential flood of emotions.

In trauma splitting, you do not lose touch with reality, as in the case of schizophrenia; you remain conscious of your identity as "one person." But triggers, especially those associated with humiliation, desertion, or rejection, might make you feel as though other "parts" of yourself—each with its personality, emotions, and actions—are taking control. It's like you have multiple personalities inside of you, perhaps acting considerably younger—a yelling child, a furious teenager, etc.

This process can lead to unpredictable mood swings, confusion about your identity, and a lingering sense of emptiness. One moment you can be laughing and in a good mood, and the next you might be empty and numb, or worse, angry and unable to figure out why.

In essence, in trauma splitting there is a division occurring within your mind between the "normal self" and the "traumatized self." The "normal self" is the version of yourself that you present to the outside world as "normal," in control. Conversely, the "traumatized self" is a hidden aspect that arises from the turmoil caused by previous traumas.

You may appear to have it all together on the outside, but in the process, you may also be disregarding basic human needs like closeness, play, spontaneity, and expression. You get a deep sensation of emptiness on the inside; it's as though life has no meaning and you are just watching it pass by without participating in it.

As society recognizes and rewards your ability to function, you become more and more bonded to your "normal self." Your vulnerable inner child now appears to you as an outsider. You become increasingly afraid of going inward or expressing any pain. Numbing your emotions as a coping strategy may help for a while, but the pain will eventually demand to be felt.

When your rejection sensitivity or abandonment anxieties are triggered, for example, those floodgates open, and you feel overwhelmed or irrational, wanting to lash out, and fearful of what you might do to yourself and those who matter most to you. That could also be the reason you use alcohol, drugs, bingeing, gambling, or overspending to suppress your emotions.

Constantly suppressing those feelings wears you down and depletes your tank. You no longer have the energy or motivation to connect with your dream, fuel your passion, and pursue your goals. This feeds the toxic cycle of finding less and less meaning and joy in life.

However, your past does not have to determine your future. The most courageous thing you can do now is to reach out to those injured parts and acknowledge the pain suffered by your younger self. It is as though you are saying, “I see you, and I'm ready to face what's inside."

It may be the most difficult thing you've ever had to do, but the journey is worthwhile in order to reclaim your one and only chance to live a life in which you are finally a joyful, engaged participant rather than a detached, judgmental observer.

Healing from your inner trauma split might be the key to living authentically.

Trauma Essential Reads

To Tell or Not to Tell: Disclosing Your Painful Past

Healing in Motion

Treatments for Trauma Splitting or Structural Dissociation as a Result of Narcissistic Abuse

Internal Family Systems. Internal Family Systems (IFS) provides a powerful therapeutic lens for tackling structural dissociation by delving into the concept of internal "parts." In the IFS model, you are guided to recognize and engage with various facets of your psyche, like a family of inner characters, like the "Manager" and the "Firefighter." The Manager represents the organized and strategic aspect of your psyche, akin to your "Normal Self." The Firefighter is the impulsive and reactive part. There is also the 'Self," which is the wisest, healthiest part of you that drives the integration process. Acknowledging and understanding your internal roles within the IFS framework offers a nuanced approach to integrating fragmented aspects of yourself.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) contributes to the treatment of your structural dissociation by emphasizing skills including mindfulness, emotional regulation, interpersonal effectiveness, and distress tolerance. The skills taught in DBT equip you to navigate the emotional storms associated with structural dissociation. Additionally, DBT's focus on interpersonal effectiveness supports the development of healthier relationships, addressing attachment wounds that which the splitting originated.

Psychosynthesis. Psychosynthesis, with its holistic approach, addresses structural dissociation by facilitating the integration of different aspects of yourself. Through guided exploration and specific exercises such as art expressions or visualization, you can connect with disowned or fragmented parts, thus fostering a sense of wholeness. This approach may particularly speak to those who are spiritually inclined.

Schema Therapy. In Schema therapy, the focus is on identifying and transforming maladaptive schemas associated with trauma splitting caused by narcissistic abuse. By challenging distorted thoughts and acknowledging various "modes," such as the "Detached Protector" and "Vulnerable Child," the therapy aims to cultivate a more balanced and integrated sense of self. Through cognitive restructuring and understanding these distinct modes, individuals work towards unraveling the complexities of their internal world, fostering a healthier and more cohesive self-perception.

Each approach brings unique strengths and provides a distinct lens through which to understand and integrate the fragmented aspects of an internal world caused by painful narcissistic abuse. Your choice may be influenced by spiritual inclinations, preferences for cognitive approaches, or a preference for exploring the depths of relational dynamics. Your choice should be determined not only by what is "objectively" effective about an approach but also by its alignment with your distinct needs and inclinations on the journey toward healing and integration.

To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.