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Everyone makes mistakes. This is true in life generally and in negotiations. Raising awareness and being intentional about how to negotiate is the key to avoiding costly mistakes. When a mistake is made, it is important to recognize it and learn from it. It is easy to realize a slip-up when something inappropriate is said or information is given away that compromises one’s position. It is trickier to spot unconscious saboteurs.
There are many invisible mistakes that lie below the surface of awareness. If they are spoken about, they are easier to avoid with intention.
Need to Win
Conditioning around negotiation is based on an outdated competitive model. What first comes to mind for most is a boardroom full of power suits. It is believed that the negotiation must be “won”.
Focusing on winning misses the point. Effective negotiation should be about securing desired outcomes, not on beating the other party. Seeking to get the better of the other party precludes the open mind necessary to recognize creative solutions that may arise. It also often results in recourse to tactics that are counterproductive. Taking a collaborative approach over a competitive one increases the odds of securing better outcomes, better relationships, better buy-in, and longer-lasting agreements.
Bringing Bias to the Negotiation Table
Everyone carries biases—some conscious, some not. While all biases negatively impact negotiations, the unconscious ones are particularly insidious. Raising one’s awareness of these biases is an important step to getting best outcomes.
Here is a brief list of the most common biases that sabotage negotiations:
- Egocentrism bias prevents a real appreciation of the other party’s position, as the focus is too narrowly on one’s own goals. This skews perspective and interferes with the requisite clarity necessary to find mutually satisfactory resolutions.
- Inattentional bias causes people to see, hear, and experience only the thing that is being focused on and to miss valuable information, insights, and cues.
- Endowment bias causes overvaluing of oneself and/or one’s position and underestimating the value the other party brings.
- Confirmation bias causes one to interpret information in a way to confirm pre-existing beliefs.
- Affinity bias relates to a predisposition to favour people that remind one of themselves.
Many are unaware that these common biases affect how the issues on the table are perceived and, accordingly, negatively impact their ability to get better outcomes.
Lack of Integrity
"Integrity" is a commonly used word but not often considered with depth. The more familiar aspect of integrity is connected to morality and how one acts. Taking ethical shortcuts will invariably harm a negotiation.
The less considered but equally important aspect of integrity is based on the Latin word ‘integer’. When one is not consistent with one’s core values and sense of self, there is no integrity as one is not "whole".
Both aspects of integrity are key to the results achieved in a negotiation. When out of integrity, one’s effectiveness will be compromised. Negotiations don’t work if integrity is lacking.
Ego
Ego can be a poison apple in negotiations. When driven by ego, control and clarity are lost. One will be easier to manipulate, less able to assess information accurately or recognize opportunities that might arise.
Ego shows up in a number of ways, such as a need to look good, a need to win, inability to admit one doesn’t know something, or talking too much. Wanting to be liked is another, often ignored, sign of ego.
If one finds oneself making the negotiation all about them, it is important to pause and refocus energy on the other party and what they need.
Reactivity and Emotion
Success as a negotiator depends, in part, on one’s ability to remain centered, calm, collected, and compelling. If triggered into reactivity, clarity and focus needed to secure best outcomes will be lost.
Bringing the deep, emotional "why" to a negotiation is not the same as being emotional in a negotiation. Knowing one’s deeper "why" can help keep one grounded and better equipped to tap into emotional strength and resilience. By contrast, giving in to anger, shame, guilt, resentment, or the range of other self-protection negative emotions can sabotage negotiations.
Typically, a negotiation begins because there is a desired outcome. However, it is important not to become so attached to the outcome that perspective is lost in the process. Being too attached to a singular outcome will cause bargaining past the point where it makes sense or walking away when a deal was on the table. The hallmark of a great negotiator is knowing when to walk away and being open to other alternatives. Effective negotiation is not about winning or losing. It is about winning better for everyone whenever possible.
The most dangerous mistakes are usually those of which one is unaware. The antidote is to raise one’s awareness about these invisible saboteurs in order to avoid them.
