Is the Grass Greener on the Other Side?

It seems that we are constantly reminded of the allure of other places. We are offered lists of the best places to live. The happiest cities in the United States. The best places to retire.

The assumption of these lists of best places is that a person could move there and be happy. But what would it be like to leave everything behind and move to a new place where you are a stranger? One result of moving to a new place might be feeling lonely. Psychological science has shown that feeling lonely can interfere with physical and mental health.

Source: Tim McMahon

On the other hand, being socially connected to others has been found across studies to reduce the risk of premature death by half. But moving to a place where people are happy isn’t the same as being socially connected to them. In fact, being around happy people when one is lonely can make things worse.

Moving to a new place can be particularly challenging for people of color. They may fear discrimination. Or not finding an ethnic community. Research indicates that being with similar others can be good for the mental health of people of color. Ethnic communities can provide social connections and a buffer against discrimination.

Moving may also mean discontinuing long-term relationships, which are important for people of color from interdependent cultural groups. Some might dismiss long-term relationships as living in the past. “Bloom where you are planted.” “Wherever you go, there you are.” People from independent cultures tend to be good at forming new relationships. But forming deep relationships and becoming socially connected in a new place takes time for independent and interdependent people alike.

Greener grass is no substitute for good friends. Being with good friends could give you a healthier, longer life.