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The holidays are supposed to be a time of peace, love, and endless cheer. If you are the parent of an ornery tween perhaps, however, you have a different point of view. For some, the holiday season wreaks havoc on daily routines and this can quickly steer holiday cheer toward dread and panic. The anticipation of holiday joy, including good eats and of course presents can actually elevate anxiety for kids who tend to be more sensitive.
Do you cringe and hold your breath when it’s time to open the presents because you can’t anticipate your tween’s reaction? Rest assured, while your friends may not want to admit it, many of them are indeed in the same boat. And while you are quick to be embarrassed by attitudes of entitlement resulting in a conclusion that you have spoiled your children, there is another perspective.
Tweens are at that vulnerable point where their brains are quickly expanding. Black and white thinking begins to give way to an ability to view the world more abstractly. Development at this stage tends to be uneven, caught between childhood and adolescence kids vary in their levels of maturity and emotional regulation. This often translates to unpredictable reactions to situations out of the daily routine. This is why anticipation about holiday events can quickly turn from excitement to agitation for some kids. Their tolerance for change and patience quickly wear thin. Their inability to manage a flood of emotions can result in tantrums or explosive episodes.
What follows are a few hints on how to turn holiday fear into holiday cheer.
Predictability promotes positivity
A little bit of structure can go a long way for your restless tween. The holidays often completely disrupt daily routines. This can be quite disconcerting for your tween who may be comforted by the redundancy of regular rituals. With this in mind keep to daily routines as much as possible. Especially for example, if you are not in your home environment over the holidays. Whether you are visiting with family and or friends, or on a holiday getaway, duplication of home routines can help quell the angst your tween may feel due to a lack of familiarity with this different environment. Maybe instead you are hosting over the holidays. Keep in mind that although you are feeling excited and overjoyed about having company, your tweens may view them as interlopers invading their space.
Even if your tween is excited about visitors, all the anticipation about their arrival can be overwhelming. Address this by offering your tweens as much information about specifics as you can such as travel times and expected ETAs. Although be sure to remind them that delays due to traffic or late takeoffs can quickly result in changes. When your child is kept in the loop, however, it can decrease anxiety and the related irritability that can result from all the excitement and anticipation. Basically, giving them a little bit of information can go a long way. It helps them to feel like they have a better handle on situations. This, in turn, can lower anticipatory anxiety.
Let it go
All the hoopla around the holidays can cause unexpected reactions and behaviors. Try to reinforce positive behaviors while ignoring the negative. Don’t sweat the small stuff. It is especially important to take heed of this if you are someone who strives for perfection when it comes to anything holiday. After all, let’s be honest, with all the expectation and emotion in the air, someone is bound to get upset, annoyed, or even angry. Your awkward, vulnerable tween is certainly among the best candidates.
Model good cheer
There’s something to the saying that a little bit of laughter can go a long way. Although it may not feel like it at times, your kids actually take their cues from you. Even if they balk at your good cheer, when you set a merry tone, the result can certainly be infectious. Keep calm and content. If you start to feel overwhelmed, take a break. Also be sure to delegate. Taking on too many tasks may result in feelings of frustration and even anxiety.
Participation pays off
Ask your tweens to help out with holiday tasks. By encouraging them to participate in holiday traditions with you like, food preparation, baking, wrapping, or decorating, you keep them busy. The combination of boredom and anticipation can quickly turn to agitation. Distraction through interaction helps your tweens get into the holiday spirit. Be sure to acknowledge their contributions, this will help them to feel positive and even empowered by the knowledge that their assistance really makes a difference.
The holidays should be a time to make memories with family and friends. A grumpy tween can quickly turn holiday cheer into holiday frustration. Don’t let your tween be a Grinch. When you stay one step ahead of your tween, you ensure that the holidays will be, merry and bright.
