A Simple Technique for Saying Goodbye to Negative Thoughts

Live with self-confidence

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What and how you think can help shape your perception of yourself and the world around you. “Your brain believes everything you tell it,” says Diane Mahoney, an author, psychologist, and life coach. When you tell yourself that you are “not good enough” or a failure, you look for evidence to prove it. For example, when you drop your phone, you are careless; when you go to the store and forget something, you are useless; you are stupid when you make a mistake. Our minds continuously narrate our actions. We tell ourselves what is happening, what we should do, and what we believe about a situation. When you consistently tell yourself you are not good enough, you believe it and search for examples to back up your belief.

Sometimes, we can create our failing reality based on what we feel and what we tell ourselves. For example, when things go wrong in the morning, we may say to ourselves that it is a “terrible day.” As the day goes on and we continue to focus on everything that goes wrong, we repeat to ourselves what a rotten day it has been. Instead, we can accept that certain things will go wrong and move on, spending time to focus on what is going right and see the promise in the day. Our negative thoughts have created a “terrible” day instead of a “promising” day.

The opposite is also true: If you tell yourself you are smart and capable, you look for examples to back up this belief. Changing how you look at yourself takes time, practice, and persistence. The results, however, are well worth it. As you adopt a more positive attitude about yourself and the world, you interact with yourself and others with a feeling of self-confidence.

The following is a simple exercise to help you shed negative thoughts. Use a notepad on your tablet or phone or use paper and pen. It is best to use something you can always keep with you. Start by spending a few days just noticing how you talk to yourself.

After a few days, write the negative comments you make about yourself. Then, write a neutral or positive comment to replace it. For example, suppose you made a mistake at work and thought, “I always make mistakes. I am so stupid.” Make a note of it and then write a replacement thought, such as, “I have done many things well; for example, my boss complimented the report I completed last week.” For each negative thought or comment, find a positive replacement.

At the end of the day, review your thoughts and erase your negative thoughts. You might take several deep breaths before deleting the words, or, if you used paper and pen, crossing out the negative thoughts. As you do this, consciously think about how these thoughts will no longer control you. Keep the positive thoughts and read them to yourself several times each day.

Complete the same process every day for several weeks until you notice the negative thoughts significantly decrease. Keep in mind that it took you years and years of telling yourself negative things to get where you are today. You are not going to reverse this process in a matter of days. Be patient and keep working on it. You deserve to think positively about yourself. One day you will notice that you have a better view of yourself, your life, and the world around you.