The Simple Mindfulness Tool That Boosts Parents' Moods

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You giggle as your 5-year-old poofs her bubble bath into a silly beard and hat. You playfully trash-talk your teenager, boo and cheer, holler, and jeer, catching a Sunday afternoon National Football League (NFL) game together over meatballs. You gaze into your baby's eyes as she coos at you softly. You smile and wave as your daughter searches the crowd for your eyes at the dance recital just before the music starts.

You quietly sing nursery rhymes with your son as you pick out bedtime books in the soft evening light. You catch a sunset mountain bike ride in the mountains with your kid on a Friday afternoon, joking as you wow each other with jumps and tricks.

When parents are experiencing moments of "flow," they are so absorbed in what they are doing that time appears to fly by or stand still (Csikszentmihalyi, 1997). Flow moments are full of joy, whether the joy of peace, laughter, connection, love, silliness, fulfillment, meaning, or sweetness. Research suggests that flow experiences with children are significantly related to parents' well-being and sense of efficacy and satisfaction from parenting (Shoshani & Yaari, 2022).

The American Time Use Survey involving 12,163 participants indicated that parents consistently report greater subjective well-being engaging in activities with children than without (Musick, Meier, & Flood). One study found that parents' interactions with their children are associated with greater flow and positive emotions compared to almost all activities they engage in during the day, including working, socializing, interacting with spouses, or doing leisure activities (Shoshani & Yaari, 2022). Parents experienced the most flow when engaging in playful activities with kids rather than just providing for or caring for them (Shoshani & Yaari, 2022).

While parents may naturally experience moments of flow with their children, purposely seeking, noticing, and savoring these moments helps parents build more happiness. Highlighting flow moments is a powerful mindfulness tool that can strengthen parental joy.

While parenting presents "a considerable opportunity for flow to occur" (Shoshani & Yaari, 2022), without conscious awareness, these joyful moments can get lost amid the busyness of life. Twenty-nine percent of parents say parenting is stressful "all or most of the time" (Pew Research Center, 2023), and over 30 percent of parents report "always feeling rushed" (Pew Research Center, 2015), so intentionally tuning in to flow moments can take effort.

Research on flow overlaps with research on savoring and gratitude. They have all found that taking the time to purposely seek, notice, and reflect on the good parts of life can propel powerful shifts in mood and outlook. For example, Emmons and McCullough (2003) found that focusing on gratitude and keeping a gratitude journal improved participants' positive affect and reduced their negative affect. Jose, Lim, and Bryant (2012) found that when people completed a daily diary focused on savoring, they seemed to derive more happiness from positive events.

Bryant (2021) argues that savoring requires one not only to feel good but also to reflect on one's good feelings. Bryant (2021) highlights the importance of both:

1. proactive savoring, which begins with the deliberate act of seeking out or creating positive stimuli and
2. reactive savoring, which occurs in response to positive events or feelings.

The following are a few ways for parents to proactively and reactively savor flow moments:

1. Tiny Journal Entries - Write down one flow moment you're grateful for with your kids each day: a positive memory, a fun time, a funny thing that happened, a meaningful experience.
2. Phone Photo Review - Each week, look through your phone photos, notice flow moments, and reflect on those positive experiences.
3. Dinner Check-In - Have each family member go around and say a favorite moment or two about the day or week.
4. Sunday Preview - Talk with a partner about or write about joyful moments you are looking forward to with your kids during the following week.
5. New Year's Reflection and Intention - In December, write about favorite flow moments with kids from the year. Set an intention for a few ways you will increase and build upon flow moments in the new year (e.g., shoot more hoops together, play more dollhouses together, have more dance parties together).