4 Signs of Someone With an Explosive Personality

While all social relationships inevitably involve some degree of tension or conflict, few relationships are as difficult and anxiety-provoking as a relationship with someone who has an explosive personality. Whether the explosive individual is someone at work, at home, or somewhere else, the explosive personality always ends up causing distress to those in proximity.

The Diagnostical and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed.; DSM-5; American Psychiatric Association, 2013) includes a disorder that specifically diagnoses explosiveness, intermittent explosive disorder, though most individuals who present explosive personality traits exist on a spectrum of explosiveness rather than meeting the full diagnostic criteria. It’s also important to note that explosive personality traits are not bound to just one mental diagnosis, as explosiveness may be seen in individuals who have borderline, narcissistic, or antisocial personality disorder, among others.

Read the signs below of explosive personality traits to better understand the various ways explosiveness can manifest in social behavior.

The appearance of multiple personalities

To understand this sign, it's important to clarify the word appearance. The vast majority of explosive individuals do not actually present fully articulated, distinct personalities as seen in the diagnosable disorder known as dissociative identity disorder, also outlined in the DSM-5 (American Psychiatric Association, 2013). Yet to those in proximity to the explosive individual, the explosive person certainly seems to have multiple personalities on the surface.

In everyday discourse, people often refer to this explosive personality type as a “Jekyll and Hyde” personality, meaning that the given individual acts as if they are not the same person across situations and time. An individual is often an explosive personality if those in proximity find themselves proverbially walking on eggshells at times, for fear of triggering yet another explosion, never knowing what might happen next or which punishment they may be subject to as a result.

Confusing language or behavior that unsettles or “throws off” others

A frequent sign of a disordered personality, in general, is one that causes others to feel confused or unsettled as a result of things said or done by the disordered person. A sign specific to explosive personalities relates to fear that is part and parcel of a close working or personal relationship with them.

Although an explosive person works hard to present as strong and powerful on the surface, the individual paradoxically suffers from a feeling of helplessness and a lack of control. When triggered by any strong negative emotion, the individual shifts into fear and feels unable to control their own emotions or environment, overall. In response to the panicked feelings and lack of control, the individual needs to hyper-control and order everything in their environment—including the closest person to them.

To do so, the explosive individual frequently does something they are often not aware of: They do things to unsettle or disrupt the people near them, and they often do this through confusing language and behavior that threatens any sense of consistency and peace in the relationship. In particular, the behavior often serves to make the other person feel insecure or “thrown off,” or to start a conflict.

Most importantly, when the explosive person gets explosive, he or she has a razor-sharp expectation for how they want others to operate while they are in their explosive state.

Unpredictable or mean-spirited voicemails, emails, or texts

One specific behavior that explosive personalities often engage in is leaving upsetting or disturbing voicemails or sending similar texts or emails. These behaviors usually come without provocation, and they also frequently come at the most confusing times.

While the work or personal relationship may feel positive and consistent at a given time, the explosive personality in the next moment delivers a voicemail, email, or text that changes everything. The mean-spirited or unsettling communication may be sent when things are good or bad, or when there are important or celebratory events on the horizon, causing the recipient to feel even more unsettled and alarmed because they know they should be focused on the upcoming event.

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On-demand charm and seduction

Explosive individuals may be many things, but one thing they aren’t is stupid. Despite having poor coping capacities, the explosive person has effectively learned over time that they can't explode all of the time, or everyone, sooner or later, will leave them.

Strategically, every explosive individual has cultivated a persona of charm and seduction they can access to ingratiate themselves on an intermittent basis and keep the relationship going. Often, the charming and seductive programming is enacted following verbal or behavioral acting out, but the charm and seduction may also be turned on as needed. Most importantly for those in proximity, the charm and seduction aren't benevolent but rather serve as a strategic device enacted out of calculation and desperation.

Conclusion

Awareness is the foundational step of change and learning about the signs of an explosive personality and what triggers these individuals is necessary for protecting yourself emotionally.

In the case of physical explosiveness, victims should speak with family and friends about what’s happening, and consult professionals as needed. But for the millions of men and women who are on the receiving end of explosive behaviors which don't necessarily rise to the level of professional intervention, the next step after gaining awareness is behavior change.

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