Verified by 
- Self-deprecation can lower your credibility and your self-esteem, but when used correctly, it is an underappreciated tool.
- When giving talks, self-deprecation can be used to diffuse antipathy, express humility, lower expectations to a reasonable level, and reduce excessive self-confidence.
- For self-deprecation to be effective, it helps to bring light to a forgivable shortcoming, be authentic, say it early in a talk, and follow it with something that the audience will appreciate.
We’re often warned against self-deprecation, that we shouldn't put ourselves down. It’s argued that it lowers your credibility and that, internally, it harms your self-esteem.
But my clients, my wife, and I have often benefited from self-deprecation.
The Potential Benefits of Self-Deprecation:
- It prevents you from appearing holier-than-thou. If you’ve been asked to speak to a group, whether a brief presentation at a staff meeting or a keynote, there’s a tendency among some in the audience to resent you: “Why did that person get to be the speaker.” They don’t want to feel inferior to you and so may look to resist what you’re saying or even take you down a peg by not applauding, criticizing you unfairly in the Q&A, or even putting the worst face on your talk afterward when talking or writing to others.
You often can diffuse such antipathy with a self-deprecating statement near the beginning of your talk. My wife often does so. For example, when giving a talk, she’ll say something like, “It’s exciting to be presenting at a technology conference. I only wish I could be as good at making technology work as I am at being a cheerleader for what it can do.”
- Self-deprecation lowers expectations. As an audience member, we rarely come away from a presentation thinking, "Wow!" But in the triumph of hope over experience, we tend to keep attending with high expectations. So, as a speaker, a bit of self-deprecation lowers expectations appropriately. Our listeners will appreciate us more if we exceed low expectations than if we fail to meet high ones.
- Self-deprecation demonstrates humility. In many cultures and religions, humility is venerated. A bit of self-deprecation demonstrates that.
- Even if you don’t say anything self-deprecating, being internally self-critical militates against the excessive self-confidence that infects some people. I've found that most competent people are rather hard on themselves, feeling that unless they push themselves to do their very best, they won’t be good enough. That usually motivates excellence more than thinking, "I'm great!"
For self-deprecation to be effective, it helps if:
- you reveal a venial, not a mortal sin. It’s fine to say that you have, ahem, gaps in your technological expertise. It's not fine to say that you’re unintelligent.
- your self-deprecation is authentic. Imagine if the eminent writer of psychotherapy books Irv Yalom said, “I’m not that good a writer." Too many audience members would consider that a ploy. State an honest weakness, if only that you’re a little nervous giving the talk.
- you say it early. That quells antipathy before you get into your talk's substance.
- you follow your self-deprecation with something the audience will appreciate. Perhaps it’s your best point with a great example. Of course, show, don’t tell: Bragging about yourself will counter self-deprecation’s benefit. Speakers have hurt themselves with excessive use of “I” especially name-dropping or saying much about their accomplishments.
A caveat: Don't let another person’s self-deprecation cloud your evaluation of what they’re saying. Judge on the merits.
The takeaway
Today, self-deprecation is widely discouraged. That advice is too black-and-white. This post attempts to add a bit of color—or maybe I'm being color-blind. (Okay, you just caught me using self-deprecation.)
I read this aloud on YouTube.
