What 'Seinfeld' Teaches Us About Our Cell Phone Use

I was watching Seinfeld the other night for the first time ever. (Can you believe it? I actually never realized that Jerry Seinfeld… plays Jerry Seinfeld. Clever.) I’m only in a few seasons deep—so I’m curious to see how this evolves—but something that's striking from episode 1, season 1 is the lack of cell phones. Go ahead and rewatch some of those earlier episodes—not only are they funny and wholesome, but they also create nostalgia for a simpler time, when we were more engaged with each other and this world.

I worry about the long-term effects our phone use is going to have on the future, and something tells me I’m not alone with this concern. Smartphones center around one of the great modern-day ironies: In an effort to connect us, they take us more and more away from each other.

Source: Pexels/Pixabay

The interesting thing is communication and social connection are the cornerstones of Seinfeld—all wholesomely unfolding and playing out with nary a cell phone in sight. Jerry’s landline plays a big role in many episodes, almost as if it's another character on the show. But its presence creates connection and folly between Jerry, Kramer, Elaine, and George. It's clear that the absence of cell phones enables more of an intimacy between these friends and healthy interdependence.

Elaine plops onto Jerry’s couch, picks up his phone, and says, “Hold on a second, I just need to check my messages.” Do you remember those days? When you needed to call into your message machine from someone else’s landline to see if you received any voice messages?

And this one's even more striking: There were no text messages. That meant, among many other things, that when someone had an issue with another person, they couldn’t send a text to get out of having the hard conversation. There was no angry and unskillful back-and-forth texting. Nope. They had to pick up the phone or meet in person and have a mature adult conversation, something we see played out throughout the show—healthy resolutions to difficult interpersonal dynamics.

In many ways, texting has made it too easy to avoid hard conversations. I recently polled my Instagram followers and 89% said they had gotten out of a hard conversation through a text. One has to ask: What is this avoidance doing to us in the long run?

As intuitive as it sounds, many of us need the reminder to save our harder conversations for in person. Reflect here for a moment—how many misunderstandings have you encountered because of texting? How many hard feelings were created—or avoided?

Though the allure of texting is obvious, what price are we paying for easy access to avoidance? How is it transforming our relationships, our social/emotional maturity, and brain development? Only time will tell, but I'm not optimistic it will positive.

Compare the quiet of Jerry's landline to the constant buzzing, haptic feedback, and chiming of our smartphones alerting us that we have a missed call, new text, Instagram message. Forget about the other notifications you are receiving from your other apps all the time as well. My phone (well-intentioned, I assume) asks me multiple times daily, "Have you breathed today? Stood? Closed your circles?" The notifications from our various apps have become the nagging parent all of us resented as teenagers. Even the mindfulness ones (cue the sitcom laughter here).

We have a problem, Houston. Our phones have become very relevant, very slippery slopes. Though not currently diagnosable as an addiction, there is talk in the mental/medical health community about the possibility of creating a new class of addictions: cell phones.

But even without a formal diagnosis, it is becoming evident just how much they interfere with our relationships, productivity, jobs, and time spent with our loved ones. As I write, I literally have to keep my phone out of sight because just seeing it is that distracting. Not only are we on screens so much of the time (statistics from Febuary 2021 showed nearly half of respondents were spending 5-6 hours a day on their phones in non-work-related tasks), we are often double-screening (a term I heard from a client—it means watching a movie while scrolling on your phone). Raise your hand if you're guilty of doing this? I was. And my kids hated it, so I stopped.

Source: Tim Gouw/ Pexels

In the beginnings of our smartphone-addled culture, I used to get a kick out of looking at the people stopped at red lights around me and observing how almost everyone was on their phones. Sadder are the parents sitting on benches at the park with their phones out as their kids play. I want to stress—none of this is said with judgment. I've done it too. It’s a reflection of how phones have quite literally taken over and become massive distractions—taking us away from the moment we are in, the one we have been gifted, the only one we are certain to have—and the one we will never get back.

8 ways to limit cell phone use

We have a phone crisis, people (said in my best Junie B. Jones voice). I think we’d all agree intuitively that we need to make changes with how we relate to our phones. Big ones. But how?

1. Set limits. I'm not saying we need to eliminate phone usage. But approach yours with caution. Just like we set limits around how long we sit in a hot tub–too much isn't good for our bodies, but some time can feel really nice—set a concrete limit for your phone use. Set a timer. Download an app that will limit it for you. Be intentional about putting it away and out of sight. Research shows that just seeing your phone—even when you know it's off— is incredibly distracting.
2. Create healthy habits around your phone use. Don’t check your devices right when you wake up in the morning. Don’t take it into the bathroom with you (gasp!). And, really–do you need to wear your watch while you sleep so that it can tell you when you pass gas overnight (yes, there are really apps that do this)? I think not. Disconnect at night. Try out different strategies with the intention of doing a self-experiment. See what it's like and how the quality of your life changes and improves.
3. Create intentionality around when you use it. Don’t use it mindlessly. Rather, make the choice from an intentional place about when you choose to take your phone out. Ask yourself before reaching for your phone, "What's my intention here?" Is it to relax? That's great! Is it to check up on something? No problem. But if you find it's to avoid something or "fill up" time, you might want to choose another option.
4. Talk openly about it at home. Set the example with your kids. Have conversations with them about how smart games and social media are designed to keep us hooked. Watch The Social Dilemma with your bigger kiddos. I hear from many of the teens that I see in my clinical work about the unfairness of the double standards that their parents have about phone use at home. It’s hard to justify limiting your kid’s phone use when yours is out of control. These kids have a legitimate point.
5. Try leaving your phone at home when it’s safe and you don't need it. I like to take "wandering walks" without my phone on me. It allows me to bring attention to what's around me in a different kind of way. I feel more refreshed after these walks. Sometimes, just feeling my phone in my pocket gives me some stress and creates a distraction. Again, try this out as an experiment and notice what it is like for you and how it might change things for you.
6. Remind yourself that you don't need to be constantly available. It’s okay to take your time (did you catch that?), not respond right away, and not pick up. You are in charge of your own time and you get to decide when you use your phone or make yourself available (of course, I'm not talking about job/urgent situations here). Don't let your phone push you around.
7. Pay attention to how you feel when you have phone-less time. Notice how you feel when you have your phone on you—and how you feel when you don't. I notice just having it in my pocket sometimes makes me edgy and distracted. I will often leave it inside if I’m going outside with my kids to play because of this. Expect to notice feeling a bit anxious the first few times you don't have your phone on you—there will be a lot of unlearning to do as we train ourselves to take back control of our time and set limits.
8. Do check-ins with yourself and the people around you. Keep a log or a journal of your phone use. Accountability is a powerful tool in breaking and building new habits. Maybe get a buddy who wants to try this out with you. Having social support is one of our best tools in creating lasting change.

As always, when you're making hard changes, be sure to celebrate your small wins. Perhaps one of the best celebrations will be natural, though—a reclaiming of your time and your life as you wish to live it.