The Cost of Bragging About Stress

Stress is an unavoidable part of our work lives. From tight deadlines to overwhelming responsibilities, it’s really no surprise that we all always talk about stress. But something strange has happened in recent years… Instead of screaming for help, people seem to be bragging about their stress. Saying things like “I have so much work to do, I can barely cope!” seems to have become a badge of honour we all strive to wear. It's almost as if having too much on our plates is a mark of success… A status symbol. But is boasting about stress beneficial? How does it affect us and those around us?

The Rise of Stress Bragging

In many workplaces, it’s not unusual to hear people talk about how stressed they are, but, for some, it’s a way to showcase their contribution to the organisation. When someone tells you they’re too busy or stressed, they are often signaling that they’re very important, in high demand, and indispensable to their teams or business units. For those, stress hasn’t just become a reflection of their workload but rather an indicator of their worth to the organisation.

In a recent study, Rodell and her colleagues coined this behaviour as “stress bragging.” This term perfectly captures the dual function of this form of communication. It’s not merely a cry for help but rather a subtle form of self-promotion. Stress bragging allows individuals to highlight their perceived importance while masking it in a cloak of vulnerability.

Yet, while stress bragging might offer a short-term boost to one’s image, it has far-reaching negative consequences not only for the person bragging but also for those around them.

Why Bragging About Stress Hurts You

So why does bragging about stress backfire? Well, the answer lies in the mixed signals it sends.

Rodell’s research shows that while stress bragging might make someone appear busy, it often backfires when it comes to how they are perceived by others. Colleagues tend to view those who constantly brag about their stress as being less competent and less warm than those who handle stress quietly. Why? Boasting about stress signals to others that you might be struggling to manage your responsibilities. This, in turn, can lead others to question your competence…regardless of how busy you really are.

Moreover, while expressing stress could theoretically evoke sympathy, boasting about it can make you seem self-centered. This is because it makes your stress seem far more important than the challenges and stressors of others. This lack of warmth starts to create a relational distance between you and your peers, which makes them less likely to help you out when you really need it.

So it's quite paradoxical: Those who brag about their stress expect recognition, empathy, or praise, but they are more likely to face social isolation and scepticism instead.

Stress Bragging Is Contagious

But stress bragging doesn’t just negatively affect the person who engages in it. Perhaps more troubling, it spills over to affect those around them. When people hear others bragging about their stress, it can increase their own levels of stress as well. This is known as the stress contagion effect and occurs when you are observing someone else’s stress and it causes a similar emotional response in you. In other words, the more you talk about your stress, the more stressed out everyone around you becomes.

Rodell and colleagues found that employees who were exposed to frequent stress bragging from their colleagues reported higher levels of burnout and emotional exhaustion. When someone repeatedly brags about how overwhelmed they are, it starts to normalise stress in the workplace. This leads others to feel like they, too, should be stressed to prove their worth. This cycle of competitive stress increases overall levels of anxiety and pressure within the team, which leads to a toxic work environment where stress is not just tolerated but celebrated.

Why We Brag About Stress

So, if stress bragging is so harmful, why do we do it? The answer lies in the complex relationship between self-promotion and vulnerability. Stress bragging is a way to showcase one’s dedication and importance, without coming off as arrogant. It’s a softer way of saying, “Look at how hard I’m working,” while also appearing relatable and humble.

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Unfortunately, this tactic often fails because it combines two seemingly incompatible signals: stress, which suggests you’re struggling, and bragging, which implies pride in that struggle. Instead of inspiring admiration, it often leaves others feeling conflicted—unsure whether to offer help or distance themselves from someone who might bring them down.

How to Manage the Urge to Brag About Stress

So what can we do about it?

1. Recognize the impact it has on others. The next time you’re about to tell a coworker how stressed you are, take a moment to think about the effect it might have on them. Being mindful of this can help you reframe the way you talk about your workload.
2. Vent in private, not public. Sharing your stress isn’t bad, but it's important to find the right time, the right place, and the right audience. Instead of complaining over lunch, rather, confide in a friend or mentor where you can release those feelings without showcasing them.
3. Focus on solutions, not problems. When discussing stress at work, try to shift the conversation from the problem to the solution. Instead of just saying, “I’m so stressed,” talk about what you’re doing to manage it. This not only changes the tone of the conversation but also shows your resilience and ability to cope.
4. Set clear boundaries. Consider setting boundaries to reduce your workload. This will help prevent the cycle of competitive stress and allow you to focus on your well-being.
5. Cultivate a culture of calm. For leaders, it’s essential to model healthy stress management behaviours. Encourage open conversations about stress, but also promote strategies for reducing it. Creating an environment where employees feel they can perform well without burning out will benefit everyone.

By focusing on managing stress, rather than boasting about it, we can create healthier, more supportive workplaces.