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Key points
- Social media images pressure girls to measure up to an unattainable beauty ideal.
- The photos are often doctored to make "influencers" look more perfect.
- Parents can intervene by helping girls analyze their social media use.
In a world where 50 percent of 6- to 8-year-olds say they want thinner bodies, 80 percent of 10-year-olds have already been on a diet, and the median age of onset of anorexia is 12.3 years, even the youngest girls are receiving the message that their bodies are not okay as they are. Given this backdrop, it is hard for parents of adolescent girls to know what to say and do. How do you respond when your 12-year-old daughter believes that she isn’t measuring up to current ideals that tell her she has to be as thin and sexy as possible? How do you help her resist overwhelming pressures to diet, over-exercise, and obsess about how many “likes” she can get on her carefully posed selfies? And ultimately, how do you protect your daughter from the harm that can result from believing she is never good enough as she is?
These are big questions with no easy answers. But we need to address these concerns and do what we can to help our daughters maintain a positive view of their bodies. The consequences are real: We know that girls who have negative body image are more likely to develop low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, disordered eating, and full-syndrome eating disorders. When girls believe that their worth is based on their ability to achieve an ideal appearance, they are trapped in chasing an unattainable goal.
What is the current beauty Ideal?
As parents, we need to understand the beauty pressures our daughters are facing. We can help them recognize that the current ideal has morphed into a form that rarely exists in reality. To be acceptable, girls learn that they must be:
- Skinny (i.e., the thinner you are, the more attractive you are considered to be),
- Sculpted (i.e., a sculpted body with visible muscle tone is the only acceptable body type), and
- Sexy (i.e., in addition to appearing both underweight and muscular, you must also have noticeable breasts, curvy hips, a rounded backside, and appear hot-and-sexy in your online posts).
Where does she learn it? The social media invasion.
The extent to which your daughter will internalize the beauty ideal will be based on her interactions with her family, her friends, and the broader culture. But right now the biggest influence on her views is probably based on what she is viewing on her social media accounts. Your daughter is likely seeing countless examples of this ideal on image-based social media such as Instagram and TikTok. She is viewing thousands of images that often serve as a source of comparison (i.e., How do I measure up?) as well as inspiration for attaining popularity and attention (i.e., How can I look like her?). No longer are girls comparing themselves only to celebrities and models, today they are bombarded with images of online influencers who were formerly “ordinary” people but who are now transformed by beauty products, weight loss, and exercise to become internationally famous. These posts not only serve as aspirational ideals but also contain “how to” instructional tips on how she can achieve a particular look if she tries hard enough and purchases the right products. In pursuit of self-improvement, she can visit one of thousands of Fitspo hashtags on Instagram. She can view Instagram Body Challenges (see my Instagram Challenges blog). While she scrolls, she will learn about popular restrictive eating behaviors such as #fasting, #detox, and diets on TikTok (e.g., What I Eat In a Day).
In addition to what girls see as they scroll, they are also pressured about what they should post. She learns that the image she projects (and whether or not others approve of it) becomes her identity; the image replaces her sense of self as a multidimensional person in real life. A girl’s investment in selfies and attention from others is also associated with posting sexy, provocative selfies, as she learns that the sexiest images are those that receive the most “likes” and attention. For many girls, an overfocus on their closeup images can also result in body dysmorphia, causing them to feel dissatisfied with aspects of their real-life appearance because they are so used to viewing posts of their edited and perfected on-line images. Reports from cosmetic surgeons reveal an exponential increase in the number of procedures requested because girls want to look more like their edited selfies. And in recent surveys, most girls say they do not post any photos of themselves without editing them first.
Girls are facing a lot of pressure. So how can parents help?
- First, help your daughter explore her image-based social media use. What role does it play in her life? What does she view? What does she post? Why is she posting it? How much of her self-worth is tied to her social media image? How much do the images she views influence her thoughts and behaviors?
- While she already knows this, remind her that just about all of the images she views are digitally edited. It's just not a fair or realistic comparison. Most influencers spend a great deal of time and resources to perfect their photos and tag lines. Most people do not live the exciting lives that are portrayed on social media.
- Help her clarify that social media platforms are places to visit, not to live. Remembering this fact helps place her online life in perspective. Enforce breaks throughout the day and especially at night.
- Help her include a mix of people to follow. Yes, she probably likes to follow famous influencers, but can she also follow positive role models? Diverse women with different body types, shapes, and styles? Women who are accomplished inventors, scientists, teachers, and leaders?
- Finally, encourage her to have face-to-face interactions so that she learns to view and interact with people as they really are, not as their carefully edited versions of themselves. This will also help her become more comfortable with who she is as a unique person, not just as an edited image on a screen.
