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I’ve been a social worker for almost 24 years and this past year was my first in a clinical supervisor position. Admittedly, it’s taken me a long time and a rather circuitous route to reach this level. In my previous jobs, this position simply was not available. At the clinic at which I worked in Queens for nine years, there was one clinical supervisor for the agency at the time, and she was parked solidly in that role. In my next job at a managed care organization, I was working in an unofficial capacity as a “Team Lead,” because there was no budget for the title. Then I had a stroke, and it took me 19 months to return to work full-time. At that point, it was no longer a good fit. In my next position, the clinical supervisors were psychologists with Ph.D.s; I couldn't break that barrier. When I started looking elsewhere, this current position popped up on Indeed. I interviewed for it, and I was offered it.
In the middle of my career, when I had a solid 12 or 13 years of experience and might have been able to start applying for clinical supervisor positions, I lacked the confidence. It just didn’t occur to me. I was working at the outpatient clinic in Queens, my father was dying, and my brother and I were caring for him out of obligation, not love. We were watching him decline both physically and cognitively and asking each other when he was going to die already. My brother had a five-year-old daughter and he said often he felt as though he was looking after another child.
After my father died in April 2014, though, I fell into a deep depression. Not because I was grieving, but due to the resentment and rage I felt at losing my chance to hear the words “you are good enough” escape from his tight lips. My mother was long gone, having died in 2002 from pancreatic cancer. Although I didn’t realize it at the time, I continued to seek external validation to feed my weak ego.
It's been a learning curve. I read books on clinical supervision, but nothing prepares you for the experience like being in it. I relied heavily on my clinical experience and simply thinking how I would handle each client in each situation.
I love being a supervisor. I look forward to meeting with my supervisees each week (or every other week for part-time employees) and learning about the clients with whom they are working. I try to guide them in a therapeutic direction they might not have thought of before, and it’s great to see the light bulb go off in their minds as they realize they are developing as a clinician. It’s gratifying to read in their notes the clinicians using the interventions I reviewed with them in supervision.
Early into this first year as a supervisor, I came across this quote by Brené Brown and framed it. I put it by my desk where I could see it every day and aspire to it: "A leader is anyone who takes responsibility for finding the potential in people and processes and has the courage to develop that potential."
I'm still working on this. I suspect I will be for a while.
Thanks for reading.
