Shows That Get the Special Needs Sibling Relationship Right

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One of the things that makes for quality television and movie viewing is the ability to see yourself in the characters on-screen. Humans crave connection and emotional resonance. We watch shows not just for entertainment, but also to meet deeper parts of ourselves.

With that in mind, I’m constantly on the lookout for how television and movies portray not just disability, but also the family dynamics surrounding disability. Disability has been part of my family dynamics since birth. I grew up alongside a brother who had a genetic disability that caused profound developmental and cognitive delays. And today, I’m a parent to two children, one of whom has faced medical challenges and learning differences.

I’ve noticed how rare it is when shows touch on siblings of people with disabilities. Even rarer is when they portray the special needs sibling dynamic in all its complexity — including the love and tension, protectiveness and anger, joy and guilt, humor, and grief that siblings often feel.

As a journalist, I also understand how challenging it can be to break away from familiar narratives. When it comes to disability, the storyline tends to follow a few predictable plots. You know the ones: The person with a disability has to triumph over adversity, score the game-winning point, or have all their dreams come true. They live happily ever after. Meanwhile, the people closest to the person with the disability benefit from the condition in some way. It somehow makes them more empathetic, better humans.

In my opinion, those stories are incomplete and invalidating. The toxic positivity may even feel hurtful to the person living with the disability. I don’t think anyone wants to believe that their disability exists to inspire others or make able-bodied people kinder or more grateful.

Of course, there's plenty of gratitude, optimism, and lessons to be learned from hardship. But, as a viewer, I’d much rather see characters and storylines that embrace the full spectrum of emotions and experiences, not just the rosiest outcomes. When I do see siblings portrayed honestly on screen, it resonates on a deep level. Not to mention, showing authentic siblings in the media raises cultural awareness and empathy for this unique relationship dynamic.

Here are three examples of on-screen siblings that I admire. (Disclaimer: I’m looking at the sibling dynamic only, not the overall treatment of disability.)

“Parenthood” (Max and Haddie Braverman)

For most of Haddie's childhood, her wants and needs came second to her younger brother Max, who was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome (now known as Autism Spectrum Disorder). I loved Haddie’s character as well as Max, who endures setbacks, heartaches, and yes, eventually some triumphs. Their relationship is tender, endearing, and complex.

There are many relatable moments for siblings, such as when Haddie’s parents forget to go to her championship soccer game because of Max, when they ask her to attend a less expensive college because of Max’s therapy expenses, and how they frequently put her in a caregiving role. While they sometimes allow space to express her resentment and anger alongside the deep love and gratitude she feels for her brother, it’s no surprise Haddie focuses on academics (getting positive attention outside the family) and eventually moves across the country to start her own life.

“Take Me Home”

In this beautiful Sundance short film, a cognitively disabled woman and her estranged sister must learn to communicate to move forward after their mother’s death. The film was created by a special needs sibling and stars her sister who has a developmental disability in real life. The story captures the nuances of their relationship, the complicated grief, and the fear that many people experience when they are suddenly in charge full-time of a family member who cannot live on their own. (Note: Plans are underway to adapt this into a full-length feature film.)

“CODA”

The film CODA centers on Ruby, a child of deaf adults, and her relationship with her parents and brother, all of whom are deaf. I appreciated that this movie had deaf actors playing all the deaf characters. Beyond that, it’s relatable to see how Ruby is both deeply inside the deaf world and outside of it, on the periphery, often taken for granted in her role as the family’s interpreter. At one point, when her parents are arguing about letting Ruby go to college, her mother Jackie says, “She’s my baby,” and her father Frank replies, “She was never a baby.” Like many typical siblings, Ruby was forced to be an adult from too young an age.

Honorable Mentions

I asked other siblings what shows or movies they appreciated, and the answers varied. Some loved the (book and) movie "Wonder" because it showed how Auggie’s sister Via’s needs were often bypassed and how protective she was of her brother. Others disliked it because the actor playing Auggie was not disabled and therefore not authentic. There was a similar response to “Riding the Bus With My Sister,” which some found heartwarming and others found unrealistic and overly saccharine. Other mentions: “Atypical,” “A Space in Time,” and “Five Feet Apart.”

I think all would agree that no matter who we are and what makes us unique, when we see people like us represented in the media, we feel less alone in the world.

Copyright Gina DeMillo Wagner