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Recently, on a sunny day, I was painting the gate and small fence in our yard. Paintbrushes, paint cans, a roller brush, and large sheets of newspaper covered the ground around me.
While immersed in the fourth hour of a task I’d mistakenly thought would take about an hour, my friend called. At that same moment, a robust, unexpected gust blew itself into the calm, windless morning, slamming my wet, half-painted gate shut and scattering newspaper sheets everywhere.
A Chance for Positivity in a Challenging Moment
My immediate go-to reaction in this situation might typically be exasperation, but that’s not how this played out. “Oh, my goodness,” I shouted to my friend on the phone, as I narrated the events. Then, I laughed boisterously and so did she.
Laughing that situation off would have been her go-to, and instinctively I did the same. Then, I gathered up the mess and continued painting, all the while chatting with her over the phone.
Rather than negativity, this potentially annoying experience awakened positive emotions in me—joy and amusement—contextualized within the social bond of love. A challenging moment during a mundane task charged up an unexpected opportunity to experience positivity and thrive in the process.
Negativity and unpleasant emotions are easy to generate: anger, frustration, hostility, hurt, bitterness, and finding fault. But in many circumstances, the potential for positivity is also available.
If your instinct here is to protest, “This is too much positivity for me," please read on.
This is not about ignoring negative emotions or pretending they don’t exist. Of course, we experience difficulties, obstacles, and losses and it can be important to acknowledge them.
But in many circumstances, the potential for choosing a pleasant emotion, at least at the moment, is also available. Consider the possibility that you have options. Do you choose a pleasant or unpleasant emotion in a given moment?
The Power of Positive Emotions
According to Barbara Fredrickson, a professor of psychology at the University of North Carolina, choosing positive emotions can help you not only rebound from setbacks but connect with others more readily and discover possibilities for creating a healthier, more vibrant life (Roth & Laireiter, 2021; Fredrickson, 2009).
Based on her team’s extensive research over more than two decades, Fredrickson has summarized a list of the 10 positive emotions that occur most frequently:
What if you could fold more moments of positive emotions into your days? These positive emotions are common in human experience; they cost nothing and are available to all of us. But how?
A lot depends on how you think about an experience or situation. By choosing to notice an experience through a different lens—a more positive one—you may add more positive emotions into your life.
An Experiment to Try
Our lives are our laboratories. Consider this experiment:
- For just one minute each day this week, try to experience one more positive emotion, and then simply notice your experience. Start small—just one step.
- When something happens during the day that you typically would not notice, or might experience negatively, fold in just a moment of one of the 10 positive emotions listed above.
- Notice what happens. What is your experience?
Examples:
- You’re walking hurriedly when you notice a small patch of flowers growing. Do you walk by or stop and notice? Positive emotions: awe, interest, and serenity.
- A struggling parent with a crying child is in the check-out line. You smile and the child smiles back. Positive emotions: amusement, joy, and love.
- The car in front of you stops abruptly and you’re able to brake in time to avoid a collision. Positive emotions: gratitude.
Maybe create a simple, positive emotions journal, writing down what occurred, what emotion you experienced, and how this felt for you.
If adding an additional moment of positive emotion into your days feels like a good strategy to you, practice, practice, practice. New habits are built on one small step at a time and repeating habits can help you get better at them.
Disclaimer: This post is for informational purposes only. No content is a substitute for consulting with a qualified mental health or healthcare professional.
©2023 Ilene Berns-Zare, LLC, All Rights Reserved
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