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Intergenerational Trauma
How to Talk to Kids About Antisemitism
A guide for parents to empowering conversations about antisemitism.
Posted September 4, 2024 Reviewed by Gary Drevitch
Key points
- Create a safe environment for kids to talk about their experiences without judgment and criticism.
- Kids feel safer when they have an understanding of their culture and religion
- Foster children's sense of belonging throygh involvement in cultural or religious groups
- Be an advocate not only for your self but for others who need support.
The start of a new school year should be an exciting time filled with promise and new beginnings. For many Jewish families, it also presents a daunting challenge that cannot be ignored: the rising tide of antisemitism in schools and elsewhere. It's more important than ever for all parents to address this issue openly and compassionately with their children.
At a time when hate speech and discrimination is highly visible, it is crucial to engage in open, meaningful conversations with children about antisemitism.
Silence Isn't the Answer
Remaining silent on issues of antisemitism sends the wrong message. By not addressing it, we risk normalizing harmful behavior and leaving kids feeling isolated and confused. Children, teens, and college students look to their role models for guidance. Your reactions, words, and even unspoken cues play a significant role in shaping their perspectives.
Creating a Safe Space
- Reassure children of their physical safety. Review the safety measures in place in their schools and religious communities. Create an environment in which they feel secure discussing their experiences without fear of judgment or dismissal.
- Role-play scenarios. Engage in role-playing to prepare kids for potential encounters. Teach them when to speak up, how to respond to hate comments, when to disengage, and when to report incidents to a teacher or authority figure.
- Build allies. Encourage your children to build alliances within the community. Discuss who are "safe" people to talk to and go to in times of discomfort and harm. Knowing they are not alone can be powerful for children.
Encouraging Engagement and Connection
Community involvement is a critical component to feeling safe. Encourage participation in school and youth groups, religious organizations, and multicultural programs. Being part of a community fosters a sense of belonging, education, tolerance, and reduces feelings of isolation.
Education is key. Equip your children with knowledge not only about your religion but others as well. Explore your ancestry and history through reading books and articles, and listening to podcasts, watching movies about Israel, about American Jewry, and antisemitism. Understanding one's heritage and broader history can deepen their sense of identity and connection.
Also, if you can, spend time with older family members and community elders. Learn from survivors of the Holocaust as well as other people's personal stories about living through times of heightened antisemitism. This can provide valuable lessons and insights.
Initiating Open Conversations
Talking to kids about antisemitism requires sensitivity and empathy. Ask open-ended questions to help start the conversation:
- What do you know about antisemitism?
- What is antisemitism?
- Have you ever experienced being bullied?
- How do you feel when you hear anti-Israel or anti-Jewish comments?
- Why do you think some people discriminate against others based on what they look like, where they come from, or their religion?
- Have you experienced any situations that made you uncomfortable because of what you look like or what your background is?
The goal is to foster a dialogue that allows children to express their feelings and thoughts openly. Be curious about their experiences and fears, and acknowledge the complexity and difficulty of the situation. Remember to validate their experiences and opinions. Ask what it is like to be in a group of friends when someone makes an antisemitic comment. Do you let it slide? Do you speak up? Talk about what it means to "read the room" before making a statement. Acknowledge that there is no right or wrong answer, as it often depends on the situation. Again, acknowledge that you are saddened that your child is going through this situation.
For many parents, witnessing the resurgence of antisemitism is reminiscent of their own experiences. Sharing personal stories about past encounters, like having a roommate who disrespected religious practices, can illustrate the ongoing struggle and resilience of the Jewish community.
Be a Guiding Light
Your children are watching and listening to you and others in their community. Get to know their community, which may include people they see on their social media feeds. Ask them what they are watching and who they are following on TikTok and Instagram. Sit down and watch with them. Don't freak out or immediately judge them; use the time as an opportunity to gain insight into their lives. Let this be a doorway for you to enter and share your own beliefs. Share what you have learned and how you are trying to stand up with dignity and pride when things become challenging and uncomfortable.
Talk about when and where it is comfortable to wear symbols of your faith openly and discuss their significance with your children.
In challenging times, when antisemitism can cast a shadow over the experience of a new school year, your role as a parent is more important than ever. Trust your instincts; if something feels off, check in with your child. Be observant of any changes in their sleep, social activities, appetite, or mood. Reach out to teachers, coaches, or mental health professionals when necessary. Don't shy away from topics that may be difficult. By respecting and supporting your child's emotional needs, you help cultivate a safer, more inclusive world for them and for all.
