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Resilience
Even if You're Not Up for It, Your Holiday Can Be Wonderful
If you don’t have the spirit of the season inside you, research says that’s OK.
Posted December 5, 2023 Reviewed by Gary Drevitch
Not every holiday season can be merry and bright. Perhaps you have recently lost a loved one, or your relationship is a little rocky, and on top of all that, money may be an issue, which is tough because the only thing better than getting presents is buying them for those you love. But this year, if you don’t have that spirit of the season inside of you, it’s okay.
Research consistently shows that individuals facing challenges during the holiday season may experience increased emotional distress. According to a study in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology (Joiner et al., 2019), individuals dealing with grief or relationship difficulties may find it challenging to engage in traditional holiday celebrations, and this can impact their overall well-being.
I have had rock-hard holidays, and too many spent all alone, but those may have been better than being with people who were inappropriate for me. That’s the trick about the holidays and how to make them great or grumpy. It’s the people you are around. Now I know I just said that doing it alone is okay, but if you want to actually feel some joy and have a laugh or two, get with some folks who get you.
Positive social interactions play a crucial role in enhancing well-being, especially during challenging times. According to research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Pressman & Cohen, 2005), social support is linked to increased resilience to stress and better emotional well-being. Spending time with supportive and understanding individuals can contribute significantly to improving one's mood and overall holiday experience.
It’s easier for some than for others, I know. But if you catch a rerun of The Shawshank Redemption, and it looks like their holiday party is more fun than yours, it’s simply time to make a change. Start by thinking of what you would do if you could afford to do anything at all. Whatever it is, figure out a way to give yourself some small part of it.
Engaging in activities that bring personal joy and fulfillment is crucial for mental well-being. According to a study in the Journal of Positive Psychology (Lyubomirsky et al., 2005), individuals who actively pursue activities that bring them joy and satisfaction report higher levels of happiness and life satisfaction. Even small gestures, like enjoying a bottle of Italian wine or attempting a new recipe, can positively impact one's emotional well-being.
For example, if you want to go to Italy but don’t have money for the hotel or the airfare, have a bottle of Italian wine instead, or make some pasta. If you want, you can even try your hand at more complicated Italian cooking. Watch a video on how they do the holidays in Italy, and try a new idea.
Volunteering during the holiday season is associated with increased feelings of purpose and life satisfaction. According to research published in the Journal of Applied Gerontology (Musick & Wilson, 2003), individuals who engage in volunteering activities during the holidays report higher levels of well-being and life satisfaction. Contributing to the well-being of others can create a sense of fulfillment, even in challenging personal circumstances.
It may not sound like a romp in the park, except perhaps to your heart. In this case, you are giving of yourself, and doing something for others could spoil this bad mood you’ve been fighting yet maybe nurturing on some level. You can snap out of it for a few minutes, here and there. Trust me: Negative energy is out there for all the taking you want, and it will never be hard to find. But you can choose not to look for it, at least for a little while, so you can heal your heart by letting a little joy in.
The holidays are almost always better with some human interaction. Wherever you need to go to find it, I suggest that you do. Many times, I’ve loaded up my sled and dropped gifts to friends, just staying a little while, before going to the next person’s house. By the time I get home, I’m ready for a movie and some quiet time. Even if you are alone and don’t want to be, this activity will help you sleep more peacefully and the good feeling can last for a while.
If you believe that the good intentions and efforts we put out to other people do return to us in some way, any and all of these actions could make your holidays brighter.
References
Joiner, T. E., Sachs-Ericsson, N. J., Wingate, L. R., Brown, J. S., Anestis, M. D., & Selby, E. A. (2019). Childhood physical and sexual abuse and lifetime number of suicide attempts: A persistent and theoretically important relationship. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 128(5), 490–501.
Pressman, S. D., & Cohen, S. (2005). Does positive affect influence health? Psychological Bulletin, 131(6), 925–971.
Lyubomirsky, S., Sheldon, K. M., & Schkade, D. (2005). Pursuing happiness: The architecture of sustainable change. Journal of Positive Psychology, 1(3), 218–232.
Musick, M. A., & Wilson, J. (2003). Volunteering and depression: The role of psychological and social resources in different age groups. Journal of Applied Gerontology, 22(3), 267–282.
