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I recently received a concerned call from a colleague: “Some people were offended by your most recent email,” she delicately told me, referring to an email that I had posted to a listserv that I participate in. Yikes, I thought to myself, urgently checking through my sent mail to find the offending note. I usually take time to proofread my emails, especially when I know that it will be read by hundreds of other professionals. I finally located the email and read through it. At first glance, the email seemed mundane; but then I saw it, the offensive statement that she was referring to. I had used the F-word: FAT.
This reaction to the new F-word made me think. Have our bodies become so shame ridden that we cannot even utter the word to describe certain types of bodies? Have fat bodies become unspeakable, their very existence denied by lack of “acceptable” language? It seems as though the F-word can only be spoken to confirm its lack of existence—as in “do I look fat in this?” a question that is typically only asked in anticipation of a reassuring “no, of course not, you look great,” as if looking fat and great were an impossibility.
Clearly, fat has come to mean far more than the composition of lean and fat tissue in your body. It has turned into an insult. Fat is bad. Undesirable. Unlovable. We live in a dominant society that values thinness. But not too thin, as evidenced by the recent comment I overheard in a coffee shop between two women: “Have you seen this picture of so and so on Facebook? She looks SOOOOO skinny. Like anorexic—but not in a good way.” We are a culture that aspires to look anorexic—but in a good way.
I was at a bit of a loss in how to respond to my colleague’s concerns. I certainly did not want to apologize; that would support the notion that fat is an insult, an unspeakable travesty. So I tried to explain my usage of the F-bomb. I had used the word ‘fat’ as a descriptor, similar to how one might describe someone as brunette or tall. Why hadn’t I used another word, perhaps a euphemism that people may have felt more comfortable with? ‘Chubby,’ ‘plump,’ or ‘plus size’? ‘Overweight’ and ‘larger bodies’ were suggested as alternatives. However, these terms connote that there is one acceptable body size and fat bodies surpass that limit. Over what weight? Larger than what? I could have used the term ‘obese,’ but since the AMA has classified obesity as a disease, ‘obese’ now literally means a diseased body. In my email, I was not specifying sick bodies. Just fat ones.
This reminds me of how we often talk about another shame-ridden topic—sex. ‘Down there’ people often say to refer to…umm…well, I’m not quite sure what they are referring to because the language is so non-specific and non-descriptive. It is awfully hard to help someone when you are not sure if they need a referral for a gynecologist or a podiatrist. Has 'fat' become another dirty word, giggled about by school children, with no space for a real discourse in our culture.
So, I ask: Is FAT the new F-word?
What do you think?
Alexis Conason is a clinical psychologist specializing in the treatment of psychological issues related to bariatric surgery, overeating disorders, body image dissatisfaction, and sexual issues. She is the founder of The Anti-Diet Plan, a mindfulness based program to help you stop dieting and start eating in attunement with your body. Sign up for her free The Anti-Diet Plan 30-day starter course today. Follow her on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.
