What Are Today's Singles Seeking?

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For the 12th consecutive year, Match has collected data from over 5,000 singles, as part of their annual Singles in America study. Today, they released their latest data.

I previously wrote about the results from their 2020 and 2021 surveys, documenting some of the changes in singles' dating attitudes during the COVID-19 pandemic. As the pandemic drifts into the background for many people, to what extent have these new attitudes stuck around, and which changes were more fleeting?

Are singles still serious about long-term relationships?

One 2021 trend was a shift in singles' priorities. Back in 2019, before the pandemic struck, only 58 percent of singles were seeking a partner who was looking to get married, but in 2021, this figure jumped to 76 percent. Last year, I speculated that pandemic-related decreases in in-person socializing might have increased people's desire to cuddle up every night with a long-term partner, but that the trend could reverse as people returned to more typical social activities. However, this is not the case. The trend toward seeking serious relationships continues with 74 percent of the 2022 respondents seeking partners interested in marriage.

For many people, the pandemic created a shift in priorities, with people focusing more on family and close relationships. Constant reminders of death and the fragility of our lives create existential angst, and this can result in us shifting our emphasis toward important romantic relationships. Research shows that since the pandemic, more workers are seeking flexible work arrangements, such as working from home part-time, that allow them to better attend to their personal and family needs. This suggests that more and more people have discovered what researchers have known for a long time: the value of close relationships.

Do singles still prioritize the best qualities for relationships?

In the 2021 data, there was a marked decline in the percentage of singles who listed physical attractiveness as one of the top five characteristics they were seeking in a partner (down to 78 percent from 90 percent in 2020). However, this trend does seem to be reversing with 86 percent of this year's survey respondents listing looks as a top priority.

However, the good news is that trustworthiness and emotional maturity continued to be, overall, more important qualities than looks for this year's respondents. This is important because those are the qualities most closely associated with having great relationships—looks don't really matter much in the long run. Of course, all of these survey findings should be taken with a grain of salt. Studies have shown that the correspondence between what people say they want in a partner and what they actually choose in real-world dating scenarios is rather weak.

What about sex?

Singles' attitudes toward some types of physical intimacy have changed markedly since last year. Last year, the fear of COVID-19 seemed to have made many singles reluctant to share germs with a near stranger. This is consistent with data showing that people in societies with higher infectious disease rates are less interested in casual sex or having multiple sexual partners. Fewer than 50 percent of 2021 singles were willing to make out on the first date, while this year, that percentage increased substantially to 61 percent. Back in 2020, a full 20 percent of daters did not even feel comfortable removing masks on a first date. However, the percentage of people willing to have sex within the first three dates hasn't really budged, with only 31 percent willing to have sex that soon, compared to a similar 30 percent last year. This year, Match also asked singles if their attitudes toward postponing sex had changed. Thirty-six percent said that since the pandemic, they are willing to wait longer before having sex with a new dating partner.

How quickly are online daters meeting in real life?

This year, Match reported an all-time high (43 percent) for singles' willingness to move to an in-person meeting sooner. Most of these eager daters had a preference for a casual, low-stakes first date (84 percent prefer this type of first meeting). This desire may reflect increased savviness about online dating. For years, research on online dating has shown that meeting in person sooner is better. Prolonged online interactions can lead to the buildup of false expectations and don't allow daters to assess their level of physical chemistry. As more singles moved to online dating during the pandemic, today's singles may have figured this out for themselves.

In sum

More than two years into the COVID-19 pandemic, the trend among singles to seek a partner who wants to marry continues, but last year's trend toward deprioritizing looks may be reversing. Singles may be savvier about online dating than ever before, leading to more openness toward meeting their online paramours in person. Finally, as concerns about spreading disease have waned, COVID-era reluctance to kiss on the first date is waning too.