Not Feeling Like Myself During Perimenopause

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I just don’t feel like myself.

Such an ambiguous, nondescript statement.

However, if you know, you know—and, according to research by Nina Coslov and her team at Women Living Better, a fair amount of midlife women certainly do.

A Common Perimenopause Complaint

In fact, not feeling like myself (NFLM) is one of the most common complaints from women in perimenopause.

Fatigue, overwhelm, lowered mood, and increased anxiety are the symptoms most associated with NFLM, though it can present differently for everyone.

Not feeling like myself can also show up like this: Going through the motions. Not necessarily unhappy or depressed, but languishing. Meh. Disconnected. Uninspired. Irritable. More anxious and overwhelmed. Uncomfortable and out of character.

Basically, just not feeling like yourself. The experience of it can frequently nag at us and subtly unnerve us.

What makes NFLM so slippery is the very vagueness of feeling. Though we sense it deeply, if we are unaware of NFLM as a common perimenopause symptom, we question our perception. It feels intense and real, yet nearly impossible to articulate or put our finger on. Ergo, we doubt ourselves, our perception, our shifting relationships with those we love, and how we navigate the world around us.

Around and around we go. No wonder many women experience a loss of self-confidence and shaken sense of themselves during this season of life. Who wouldn’t?

The good news is that there is power in simply recognizing, naming, and normalizing that which is troubling us.

It also provides a place from which to start, to take action, to share what we’ve learned with others, to rest in the knowledge that we are not alone, nor losing touch with reality. (Rather, I would argue, we are very much in touch with it. Instead, it’s a matter of trusting ourselves.).

Feeling Like Myself Again

Feeling like myself, in contrast, can mean sleeping reasonably well, waking up most days feeling positive, possessing enough energy to complete a routine workout; and being more easily able to shake off minor irritations, to cope with the stressors life inevitably throws my way, and to retrieve random words from a once-again-efficient brain.

How does one get back there?

First, we must recognize the arrival of perimenopause, gather research-backed information, find a health care provider who specializes in menopause, and, together, craft a treatment plan that fits your symptoms, health history, and needs.

For some of us, the plan might include menopause hormone therapy (see this post for more information), revamping daily habits (including how we eat and exercise), talking with other midlife women, and adjusting our mindset around aging.

Most importantly, know you do not need to suffer: You have options.

And though the exact treatment plan is unique to everyone, once you’ve landed on an effective strategy, it will be fantastic to feel like yourself once again.

To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.