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A new worry has been added to parents' already overflowing roster of anxieties: Are they a "childist" and just don't know it? The term "childism" recently infiltrated parenting websites and playground conversations with the publication of psychotherapist Elisabeth Young-Bruehl's book "Childism: Confronting Prejudice Against Children."
Childism, she explains, is a form of mistreatment akin to racism, sexism and homophobia. And like many "isms" before it, childism is so pervasive that many of its perpetrators aren't aware they're doing it. In short, childism is afoot during any moment where parents don't "make paramount the needs of their children over their own needs" according to Young-Bruehl. For example, a mother who pushes their daughter to get straight A's so she can brag about it is a childist, as is the dad who subtly coaxes his son to join Little League so he can relive his glory days.
So am I a childist? As the mother of a toddler, I've certainly put my needs above my child's on many occasions by, say, hiring a babysitter so my husband and I can dine out, in spite of my daughter' vehement protests. And when the day arrives that she doesn't want to finish her homework, you can bet I'll crack the whip until it's done—and while I'm sure a report card filled with straight A's would do wonders for my ego, what Young-Bruehl seems to miss is that it would do wonders for my daughter as well. In general, I feel that American parents already kowtow to their child's every needs to the point that they're miserable. That's why books that buck this trend—like "Bringing Up Bébé" and "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother"—are so popular. So if I'm a childist, so be it. So is every other well-meaning parent I know. I'd actually like to propose a new "ism" called "parentism": the subtle pressure parents feel to prioritize their child's every whim to the point that they're on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Now honestly, how could that be good for kids?
