Setting Our Sons Up for Success

Source: Photo by Gerd Altmann from Pexels

Parenting teenage boys is often a balance between wanting to push them to succeed and knowing you should probably back off. We try not to be helicopter parents, but we also know that our teenagers probably need some of our guidance, and maybe a nudge or two, in order to become successful adults. So how can we, as parents, help our teenagers by setting them up for becoming high achievers in adulthood?

In her new book, The Success Factor, Ruth Gotian provides an inspirational framework for working adults to pursue high levels of achievement regardless of their chosen field. While her book is written for an adult audience, her principles can be used by parents to support and encourage success in our teenage sons. Gotian discusses four elements of success based on her research with high achievers who exhibit differences in mindset and approach: intrinsic motivation, perseverance, building a foundation, and continual learning. These can be understood as the foundational elements we need to try to encourage in our teenage sons as they move through high school into adulthood.

High achievers demonstrate a high level of intrinsic motivation, which is evident throughout their careers.

In a previous post, I wrote about the need to help our sons find intrinsic motivation. While much of the focus for adolescents can be on external factors, like grades, championship rings, or praise from parents, in order for adolescents to ultimately become successful, they should develop intrinsic motivation and an internal desire to pursue certain activities.

How do we help them find this? Allow them to explore things they are interested in, even if it seems that they should have started earlier, or they could not turn it into a career. Sit back a little bit, and allow your son to discover what he is naturally good at and what he enjoys doing. This process starts in childhood and takes time to develop. We, as parents, can’t make our sons be intrinsically motivated but encouraging this is an important aspect of becoming a high achiever in adulthood.

Successful adults are able to persevere, which is a necessary skill to develop during adolescence.

Our sons need to know that they can overcome challenges, which are an inherent part of life. What if we, as parents, could help them view failure as a learning experience rather than some reflection of their own self-worth? Gotian points out that high-achieving adults have failed and failed often but continue learning and growing. How we talk to our teenage sons about failures can help shape their internal dialogue regarding failure and help them to persevere when faced with challenges in the future.

High-achieving adults are able to master the fundamentals in order to continue to grow in their chosen fields.

As Gotian notes, high achieving adults have spent many hours covering the basics of their professions so that they can continue to be curious and ask questions. Much of the high school experience, however, is bounded by curriculum and teacher demands rather than pursuing intellectual curiosity, but we can still help our sons build the foundation upon which success is built.

Part of the foundation for a successful high school experience is built away from academics. Sleep, exercise, community, and other interests are all part of this core. Our sons do not have to focus, necessarily, on building an academic foundation for college, but rather on pursuing their next step after high school, which will lead them into adulthood.

The final element of success in adulthood is the belief that learning is never over.

One of the best ways we can help instill this in our sons is to help them find an approach to lifelong learning that works for and motivates them. While some parents are helping their sons develop study skills to excel in college, others will be guiding them through the practical learning of a craft or trade they love. Regardless of career path, our teenage sons will benefit from the understanding that every conversation can provide some type of learning opportunity. Learning is a continuous process, enabling our sons to achieve no matter what their chosen career path.

Although parents are often focused on the academic achievement of their teenage sons, it is important to take a step back and look at the general success we want our sons to have in life. We can take steps to help guide them to develop the four elements that high-achieving adults demonstrate. Supporting our sons in their interests along with these elements can help them achieve greatness.