Why Do Teenage Boys Need Structure?

Helping teenage boys presents some interesting and unique challenges, including how to help them manage their time. By the teenage years, boys have begun to explore activities that interest them on their own time. We spend a lot of time, as parents, trying to channel the energy of boys when they are younger, finding activities they can enjoy, learn from, and possibly excel in. Whether it’s sports or computers, drawing or cooking, boys need activity. By the time they become teenagers, though, they are frequently deep into activities, progressing along in sports by being on several teams or taking apart and rebuilding computers in their own time. Most adolescents find that school takes up the majority of their day. Add in after-school activities, homework, some sleep, and family time, these teenagers frequently have more to fill their day than most adults. And while these activities can seem overwhelming to both teenage boys and their parents, it is important to remember that teenage boys need structure and these activities are teaching them life lessons about how to best manage their time. Here are five reasons why teenage boys need structure:

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1) Time management skills are essential for life

Teenage boys are on the cusp of declaring their independence from their parents. They need to develop a sense of structure and routine so that they understand just what goes into managing the 24 hours that are in any given day. When boys have structure, they are able to keep a calendar and devote a certain number of hours to each activity. For example, your son may know that school starts at 8:00 am so he needs to wake up at 6:30 am in time to take a shower and eat breakfast and get to school on time. That wake-up time means that he needs to be in bed no later than 10:30 pm to get sufficient sleep. If he gets home from school at 3:30 pm, this means he has seven hours for activities. How he spends these hours is dependent upon his interests, but these are hours in the day for which he is responsible. He is learning how to manage his time in order to develop the skills that are needed for life after high school.

2) Lack of structure tends to equal trouble

The old saying of “idle hands make the devil’s workshop” was likely referencing teenage boys. When teenage boys have no structure, they are much more likely to be impulsive and get into trouble. It is likely they will fill their time with the first thing they think of, which often may have detrimental consequences. Boys without structure may be more likely to use drugs or engage in illegal activity. Even with the best of intentions, though, teenage boys without structure may be lazy. I have teenage boys who, when faced with free time and nothing to do, will watch videos on YouTube about how to survive theoretical attacks by horror movie villains (Freddy Kruger, Jason, Leatherface). In the grand scheme of problematic behaviors, this is relatively tame, but it represents the mentality of the teenage boy, not finding the most productive tasks to fill free time.

3) The structure of various activities helps boys figure out what they enjoy

Teenage boys are often adventurous, even if they complain about activities. They like to try new things and experiment with activities that they may potentially be interested in. How do we know what our sons are interested in if we do not give them the opportunity to try something out? I have a teenage son who declared he wanted to take piano. While I was calling around trying to find a piano teacher who would take on a teenage boy, he decided he would rather play guitar. Being a family who values music and music education, we said, “Great!” and off he went learning the basics of how to play guitar. He practices on his own and seeks out extra instruction to guide him along the way. Allow your teenage son to pick up a new activity.

4) Structure creates self-discipline

Children tend to struggle with self-discipline, but this is a quality we value in adulthood. Teenagers, especially teenage boys, need structure in their lives in order to develop the self-discipline, which is defined by Merriam-Webster as the regulation of oneself for the sake of improvement. Many aspects of our growth (cognitive, social, and emotional) can help us to develop self-discipline as we move through childhood into adolescence and into adulthood. However, these naturally tendencies must also take place within the environment. Teenage boys may tend to develop the ability to regulate their emotions and desire to improve when they have a structure to their day. Knowing what will happen next in their day allows teenage boys to expand their skills and improve who they are as individuals.

5) Structure could help protect against anxiety and depression

This may sound counterintuitive to some people who are overwhelmed by the demands that structure places on our day to day lives. But think about this, one of the first things we work on in therapy with someone who is anxious or depressed is to try to help them reengage in life and their regular activities because these internalizing disorders often force someone to withdraw from activities they previously enjoyed. We know that boys tend to demonstrate depression differently than girls, with more anger, irritability, and withdrawal. Continuing to remain in activities and forcing teenage boys to participate could potentially help keep symptoms of depression at bay. In a similar vein, teenage boys whose days are structured may be less likely to demonstrate worry about what is going to happen next or how they will spend their time. Structure and activities can give teenage boys a protective buffer against internalizing disorders, such as depression and anxiety.