5 Things to Know if You Love Someone Who Faces Anxiety

Anxiety is a tricky beast. For those struggling, it can feel like an invisible, forbidding wall blocking us from the things we most value. It can be perplexing, adding strain and doubt to relationships.

A study of 203 married women found that those living with anxiety were more likely to feel misunderstood by their partner (Ergöl and Zuzu, 2016). Another study that followed couples for four years found that individuals who rated higher in trait anxiety were more likely to express marital dissatisfaction (Caughlin et al., 2000). Without a sound conceptualization of anxiety, partners may misinterpret the partner's anxiety as anger or unhappiness with them, leading to cracks in the relationship. Parallel to this, if not given support, an anxious partner is likely to feel alone in their experiences.

By learning about anxiety and how to show up for the person you love, you can join together to wrangle it. Here are five things to know if you love someone with anxiety.

1. It's Not a Choice

Anxiety is not an attitude. It's an experience with physical, psychological, and social dimensions. Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) is associated with numerous brain differences, including hyperconnectivity between the amygdala (associated with fight/flight and survival emotions) and the medial prefrontal cortex (a region believed to be involved in planning and judgment; Zugman et al., 2023). Anxiety can be a nasty experience, and most anyone would not willingly choose it.

2. Overcoming Anxiety Takes Time and Support

Through treatments, which may include psychotherapy, anxiety disorders are treatable. Still, it is not as easy as taking a pill and finding immediate, lasting relief. Working through anxiety disorders takes dedication and openness to face one's emotions, work through tangles in thoughts, create boundaries with worry, and, sometimes, make life changes. When anxiety is related to trauma, the process can be even more intense. Supporting your partner in their fight can mean a lot.

3. It's OK if You Don't Fully Understand

If you have never experienced something like a panic attack yourself, it might feel impossible to truly know what your loved one is tackling. Still, acknowledging that you do not fully understand is a stance of kindness. Not understanding is not the same as not supporting. Demonstrate to your partner your wish to show up for them and ask what they need to be supported.

4. You Don't Have to Fix This

Witnessing someone we love suffering can be painful, and it is natural to want to intervene. Yet, you alone may not be able to take away your partner's anxiety. Just being with them in it is meaningful. Giving them what help they need to seek treatment, such as assisting in locating a therapist or offering to attend an appointment with your partner, is one way to signal that you are in this together.

5. Know This Is Not Personal

Anxiety can extend to many aspects of life, including ones that affect the relationship. At times, the doubt of a partner might feel personal. If it is related to an anxiety disorder, it's not. If your partner says it's not personal, believe them.

In Conclusion

Anxiety can be a weight on relationships. Still, with education and support, partners can work through this together. Research suggests that in some cases, couples therapy may not only improve the relationship but also improve individual partners' symptoms of anxiety (Whisman et al., 2023). Seeking couples therapy is not an expression of unhappiness with the relationship but of love and dedication to being the best it can be.