3 Signs That a Friendship Should End

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Building new friendships is difficult and time-intensive. Research shows that building a new acquaintanceship requires dozens of hours of interaction, while a best friendship requires hundreds of hours.

With such high time costs, it makes sense to hold onto existing friendships. But this strategy may ignore the reality that some friendships are meant to end. It may not feel obvious, but the signs that a friendship has moved past its prime are there if you look closely. Here are some signs that you may have held onto a friendship for too long:

1. Enthusiasm for spending time together wanes.

Healthy friendships are based on reciprocal enjoyment and enthusiasm. Yes, friendships go through stretches of disconnect due to life getting in the way. But even during those times of separation, close friends share a wish for togetherness, even if that is logistically impossible.

If you reach out to a friend and find lukewarm reception each time, you may be holding onto a friendship for too long. Conversely, you may find that a friend you’ve outgrown is holding on too tightly by reaching out when you have sent subtle signs that you are no longer interested. When somebody signals that they are not excited to spend time together, believe them.

2. Resentments build rather than get addressed.

In a healthy relationship, friends address resentment and hurt feelings instead of allowing them to fester. Friends talk it out.

But some pairs, despite their best efforts, struggle to have these conversations. Some struggle with passive-aggression or conflict avoidance while other pairs try and fail to use open communication.

When issues remain unresolved, the friendship gets burdened by the weight of resentment. Unless somebody changes and the pair learns to address these issues, these friendships begin to break down. Trying to hold onto a friendship with no means of working past issues is a recipe for unhappiness.

3. You fall out of sync.

It can be tempting to keep re-creating the glory days of a friendship. But life moves at a different pace and in different directions, leaving some friendships wildly out of sync.

While it is not necessary for friends to live parallel lives in order to connect, some find it difficult to stay close to those in another life stage. Friends may begin to feel like strangers.

To combat the distance, friends may turn to activities that once helped them feel connected, even if those activities are no longer fun. When this happens, it may be a sign that both people have held on to a version of the friendship for too long.

Here's the thing. When friends hold onto a friendship for too long, everybody involved can feel it. Friends may lovingly collude to make it work superficially or ignore the foundational cracks. But sometimes it is OK to let a friendship go, mourn for what was lost, and celebrate all that it gave.

For more, see "8 Ways Friendships Fall Apart."

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