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Confidence
You Need Less Confidence Than You Think to Make a Change
Self-doubt doesn't have to mean stagnation.
Posted August 10, 2024 Reviewed by Gary Drevitch
Key points
- It's a fallacy that you must be brimming with self-confidence before moving toward the life you want.
- Chart a path toward change, but hold lightly to your plans and aim your sights on the next step.
- Each successive step is an opportunity to glean new information and strengthen your self-efficacy.
The path of action is an underrecognized avenue for breaking free of the constraints of low self-confidence. It's a misconception that we must be free of self-doubting thoughts to start moving toward the life we want. Whether it's improving physical or mental health, making a job switch, asking for a raise, quitting vaping or drinking, or ending an unhealthy relationship, sometimes an action step is precisely what's needed to disrupt self-doubting beliefs and create new scaffolding for building greater confidence and momentum.
"But I'll never get there," you say. "I can't even imagine being able to ___." Consider this: The future you that is eventually capable of making a big change is not the same you that is reading this now.
Did you ever play connect-the-dots as a child? This is the adult version. Make no mistake: The ability to envision and sequence the dots between points A (where we are) and B (where we want to be) is an asset. However, we do ourselves a disservice if we over-index on planning or hold too rigidly to a charted course, as we can end up feeling overwhelmed and locked in a standstill.
Instead, shift out of Park by holding your plan lightly and focusing on just the next dot you need to connect. Want to make a career change? Do some online research into training or degree programs that could prepare you to make a switch. Interested in learning to play the guitar? Sign up for one lesson. Want to adopt a healthier approach to eating? Start having a small salad with dinner. Even if your end goal is to eliminate your post-dinner bowl of ice cream, that may be a few dots ahead.
Or perhaps your next dot is to recruit support. Humans fare poorly in social vacuums. We can and should ask for help and support—or develop that support if it's lacking. Want to stop vaping? Open up to a supportive friend or partner about your desire to quit. Want to overcome social anxiety? Contact a few therapists for a free consultation to learn about their approach. Want to get a better handle on stress? Ask a friend to join you for a walk.
Whatever your next dot, give yourself full permission to stop there. Removing the burden of expectation can free us up to more effectively integrate what we've learned and evaluate our options moving forward. Not unlike psychologist B.F. Skinner's pigeons that learned to play ping pong—it's a real thing; look it up—we can alter our behavior through successive steps and approximations of our goal, eventually achieving things we never imagined possible. Tell me: What is your next dot?
