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Key points
- We achieve in a desperate attempt to create a legacy that outlives our lifespan.
- Even hobbies can add purpose and meaning to one's life.
- Practicing gratitude can keep you grounded on what matters most: the present moment.
It’s inevitable. You will die.
Regardless of how much you accomplish in your life, you will experience the same fate as everyone else. No amount of achievement, power, status, or money will grant you immortality.
We all know this on a cognitive level. However, we ignore this reality because it stirs up difficult feelings such as anxiety, powerlessness, and a loss of control. Lately, I have had a number of patients share their fears about their mortality, which prompted me to write this post.
Death anxiety, also known as thanatophobia, can manifest in different ways. It can appear as a preoccupation, even obsession, with interpreting bodily symptoms and seeking reassurance through frequent medical appointments. It can also manifest as a tendency to avoid things such as flying on a plane, driving a car, or leaving one’s house due to overestimating their inherent risk.
At other times, death anxiety takes on more subtle forms. We accumulate wealth, raise children, and seek fame and status because such pursuits create the illusion we carry more significance. We achieve in a desperate attempt to create a legacy that outlives our lifespan.
Religion serves a similar function. Regardless of our individual beliefs, many would agree there is comfort in believing we will be reunited with loved ones in an afterlife.
Identifying and processing your fear of death is important because it impacts different aspects of your life. Examining your thoughts, feelings, and actions is essential to living an intentional life.
Here are some tips to help you cope with death anxiety.
1. Honor your turn in the cycle of life
Imagine you could take a pill to live until 200 years old. It was only available to you.
Would you take it?
For me, the answer is a resounding no! The last thing I want is to outlive my children.
I recently met an elderly gentleman who sobbed the entire session. He was hospitalized for a medical condition. During the hospitalization, his son unexpectedly died. He was heartbroken that he did not have the chance to say goodbye to his son.
Witnessing his agonizing grief gave me a dose of perspective. The pain of losing a son or daughter, even if they are adults, is unbearable. I will gladly take my turn in the cycle of life and face my mortality rather than experience the pain of losing a child.
2. Stay humble
Billions of people have preceded you, and billions more will follow you. You are one of an estimated 117 billion people who have ever been born.
Regardless of how much status, power, or money you have, you are a mere mortal who will encounter the same fate as everyone else. You will die and be forgotten. It may be within the span of one generation or 10 generations, but the ripple effect of your life will ultimately come to an end.
Though initially terrifying, accepting this truth is humbling. You are not above the human condition, regardless of how much you achieve.
3. Consider the environmental impact
Imagine if humans were granted immortality. What do you think would be the environmental impact of 117 billion people consuming the Earth’s resources?
Our planet would be ravaged and a miserable place to live in. The sheer volume of humans would deplete the planet’s resources and overrun it with waste and pollution.
When considering the impact of human immortality on the global ecosystem, I am happy to take my turn and face the same fate as everyone else. The finality of our lives is essential to keeping the planet sustainable for future generations.
4. Be intentional
Your inevitable demise is a powerful motive to live an intentional life. Realizing you have a limited amount of time on this earth creates an urgency to make the most of it.
Living forever would eliminate the need to take immediate action because tomorrow would always be guaranteed. You could indefinitely delay the pursuit of personal goals if your future were always certain. It is your mortality that inspires you to take action.
5. Cultivate your spirituality
Thinking there is no consciousness after death brings me anguish. The notion that my loved ones will cease to exist in my mind is too hard to bear.
Yes, I intellectually understand that the absence of consciousness comes with no pain or awareness of reality. This does not negate my current feelings. Hence, I find comfort in believing in something bigger than me.
Cultivating your spirituality can help you cope with death anxiety. This does not necessarily have to be religion. You can believe in humanity, the universe, or the force of life. Regardless of its form, believe in something that transcends you.
6. Find your purpose
Important questions come to the forefront when you recognize the fragility and finality of life. They include making sense of one’s existence and figuring out what to do during one’s lifetime. Death anxiety can increase if you don’t answer these questions.
Up to 91% of U.S. adults have experienced purpose anxiety at some point in their lives. Part of the reason stems from trying to achieve too much in search of purpose.
Set more realistic goals. Even hobbies can add purpose to one’s life. I recently dusted off my childhood collection of baseball cards to share with my son. We have spent hours looking at them and talking about them. Bringing these cards back to life has been a bonding experience that I will cherish for the rest of my life.
7. Practice gratitude
Every day is a gift. The future is not guaranteed. We assume that we will live for many years and always be blessed with sound health. As a physician, I have met many people whose lives came to a screeching halt due to sudden illness or misfortune.
Do not take your blessings for granted. Practicing gratitude can help you make the most of your life by keeping you grounded in what matters most—the present moment.
