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Key points
- Different forms of anguish include acute, anticipatory, ambiguous, disenfranchised, and complicated grief.
- There isn't a single "right" way to grieve the loss of one's nonhuman companion.
- Companion animals cannot be replaced like a broken part in an appliance.
- Those grieving shouldn't be told, "Oh, you should be over this by now” or “You can always get another pet.”
“Written with sensitivity and understanding, Healing Wisdom for Pet Loss offers a unique look at our grief reactions related to our pets.…I particularly liked this volume's focus on the diverse reactions that people experience, and how working through grief is an individual process that might be different from the reactions of others. I am pleased to recommend this book for all who live with companion animals as well as those who work alongside them. It is a thoughtful and very useful addition to the literature.” —Risë VanFleet, Ph.D.
When someone decides to bring a companion animal into their home and heart, an individual with whom they form a special bond, at some time they will likely have to deal with the loss of their close friend. When a companion animal dies, it is a heartbreaking adjustment when we are faced with the fact that our friend is no longer physically present in our lives. People experience these sorts of losses and unique pain in many different ways—there isn't a single "right" way to grieve the loss of one's nonhuman companion—and I found Anne Marie Farage-Smith's highly acclaimed new book, Healing Wisdom for Pet Loss: An Animal Lover’s Guide to Grief, to be an easy-to-read and very valuable addition to relevant literature on this topic. Here's what she had to say about her new book.
Marc Bekoff: Why did you write Healing Wisdom for Pet Loss?
Anne Marie Farage-Smith: I wrote this book because I have a deep passion for this topic and want to help those who are grieving the loss of a pet by providing this valuable information to them. I also want to ensure that this loss is validated and not disenfranchised.
MB: How does your book relate to your background and general areas of interest?
AMFS: I am a licensed mental health counselor and a pet loss grief counseling professional. Over the years I have counseled many individuals and groups in all areas of grief and loss. More recently, I have specialized in pet grief and loss. A lover of animals, I have always had a strong connection to them and have advocated for them. I have served as a volunteer for a local pet rescue group and for pet-assisted therapy through our local Humane Society. And of course, I have had a special relationship with the pets in my family.
MB: Whom do you hope to reach in your interesting and important book?
AMFS: I hope to reach bereaved pet parents, and to be with them and let them know they are not alone in this grief. Another goal is to reach veterinarians, their staff, and others in animal care; I hope to show them that it can be very helpful to them and the pet parents who bring their animals to their practices.
MB: What are some of the major topics you consider?
AMFS: My book discusses the human-animal bond, why it is important, and how it affects what we experience when we lose our pets. I provide pragmatic tools and information that are helpful to people processing their grief. This includes a discussion of the types of grief and how to take care of oneself through it. In my book, readers are introduced to the many types of grief they may experience, such as the acute grief, anticipatory grief, ambiguous grief, disenfranchised grief, and complicated grief. This introduction helps them to be more effective in dealing with the specifics of their own grief. I also cover ways to memorialize their pets
MB: How does your book differ from others that are concerned with some of the same general topics?
AMFS: My book is a comprehensive guidebook to help the grieving pet parent work through and be supported in their grief. While it can be read cover-to-cover, it does not need to be. A section called “How to Use This Book” instructs the reader on how to find the specific information to meet their specific current needs. One of my purposes is to provide a path to the specific information needed now or in the future. My book also contains a comprehensive bibliography to facilitate further reading.
MB: Are you hopeful that as people learn more about how to deal with the loss of a companion animal it will help them overcome the deep grief they feel?
AMFS: Yes, absolutely. I strongly believe that that as people feel validated and understood in this grief it will help soften the deep grief they may feel when their pet dies. Pet loss is a very heartbreaking loss as such, but it is doubly hard when it is not recognized by others in our society. Also, sometimes people say things that are meant to be helpful but turn out to be hurtful, such as “Oh, you should be over this grief by now,” “You can always get another pet,” etc. The pet they lost cannot be replaced like a broken part in an appliance. They were a special, unique part of their family. Grief-stricken pet parents and families can feel that they need to hide the loss. Our society does not deal well with grief and many suffering this loss are not given time off work to help them through this unique grief.
References
In conversation with Anne Marie Farage Smith, a lifelong animal lover, an advocate for all animals, and Pet Loss Grief Counseling Trained Professional. As a licensed mental health counselor and educator in private practice, she has offered clinical guidance to many individuals and groups experiencing grief and loss and is the founder of the Rochester Center for Pet Grief and Loss.
For more literature on how to negotiate the grief that is experienced when losing a
companion animal click here.
