Puberty Can Be Emotionally Overwhelming to Adolescents

When adolescents reach puberty, they start to experience a whole new world of feelings. They start to have more adult emotions, recognizing their own sexuality and longing for closeness with others of their own age. This often creates an overwhelming sense of change and uncertainty. Many adolescents are not sure what’s happening to them and often parents do not talk to their child about sexuality and the changes that come with puberty.

As a result, there are likely hundreds of thousands of boys and girls reaching puberty who are not prepared for the feelings that come with it. Often, they either pretend they’re more sophisticated than they are, or they become overwhelmed and shut down emotionally for fear of being made fun of or rejected. It is at this time, when children are first noticing changes in their bodies, that they are the most susceptible to becoming overwhelmed and emotionally fearful.

Many children who reach puberty overcome their discomfort with change and start to develop confidence in themselves as a shield against their inner fear. Unfortunately, this “puffing oneself up” can create an emotional barrier around them that stops them from exploring their actual feelings. After all, if someone is covering up their insecurities with bravado, then if they’re rejected they may have emotionally shielded themselves from the pain of that rejection. While that shield against vulnerability may cause them to not be hurt, it also can stop them from feeling because they are putting on a front and not being their authentic selves.

While some adolescents use this shield of courage to protect themselves, other adolescents are painfully shy about who they are and what they are feeling. This makes them emotionally very vulnerable. These are the teens who like a turtle, hide themselves inside their shell and may not be emotionally strong enough to fully express how they feel. Puberty can cause them to feel too much at risk to share themselves with their friends. On the outside they may act like everything is fine; however, they may be hiding themselves in their rooms preferring isolation to the possibility of rejection.

All of this goes to show that puberty brings with it a number of challenges that adults need to be aware of, so they don’t inadvertently make things even more difficult for the children in their households. Adults need to be aware that they may be dealing with an overly sensitive child who is lost in his or her emotions due to all the changes that puberty brings. That child does not need pressure from a parent at this time in their life. On the other hand, parents who have popular children who seem secure and even thriving, that the child may be doing this to cover-up deep feelings of insecurity, and as such, may be more vulnerable than you realize.

Every adolescent will reach his or her level of comfort as they work their way to adulthood. However, as a parent, not realizing a child may be overwhelmed can do real damage. For example, encouraging children to reach out for social interactions when they are uncomfortable, can trigger panic attacks and other fear-based reactions which can then cause an adolescent to shut down emotionally.

Being too encouraging to a child who seems confident and sure of him or herself can also lead to the child being more sexually aggressive than he or she is emotionally ready to do. After all, if the adolescent acquaints confidence with conquest, they may decide to bypass emotional caring and go right to physical intimacy before they are emotionally prepared to do so.

Adolescents and teenagers are not adults. Puberty and the years after are a developmental stage, where they may start to look like adults, but still have the same frailties, insecurities and uncertainty as children. They are still figuring out who they are and coping with the development changes they are feeling. The more that we, as adults, are aware of this, the more we can be there for them.

Adolescents are facing dramatic changes in their lives that often require compassion and understanding. When we can help them feel safe and secure during this process, we can also help them develop confidence and a strong sense of self. This in turn can help teens know who they are, what they are about, and what works for them in their lives. This can have a long-lasting positive impact on the choices they make, both in the present and in the future.