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Key points
- Cloaking occurs when someone has ghosted you and then proceeds to block you on all communications channels.
- Ghosters may cloak themselves to avoid seeing, hearing, or dealing with any comments or questions from you.
- Cloaking can help them avoid guilt, hassle, and further detection and make you look like the bad person.
- Ghosting and cloaking reveal people in their full self-centeredness and lack of empathy.
Can people who've ghosted you disappear even more? Apparently, they can. Welcome to the more extreme form of ghosting dubbed "cloaking" on social media. First, someone first ghosts you, which is abruptly and unexpectedly cutting off all communication with you without an adequate explanation as to why. Then, as if that alone didn't deserve a boo, the ghost blocks you on all possible communication platforms including social media. If you somehow wanted to ask, "Umm, why?" you wouldn't even be able to reach the ghost. Good luck getting an explanation or any sign of remorse or compassion from that person.
Being compassionate was probably not top of mind for those who ghosted you in the first place. After all, they probably didn't think, "I really care about your feelings. Therefore, I am going to ghost you." Instead, ghosting is typically more of a self-centered act, done so that the ghost don't have to explain to you why they are leaving you, bailing on a commitment, severing a tie with you, or doing something else that would typically call for an explanation or further elaboration.
So it shouldn't be a surprise that those who ghost you may throw on the cloak as well, to avoid having to see or hear any comments or questions from you. They may know deep down that what they did was inappropriate, rude, or even cruel. Hearing from you could possibly stir some guilty feelings in them. And they wouldn't want to feel guilty or responsible for what they did, would they?
Even if they don't have the capacity to feel guilt or distinguish between right and wrong, they may cloak simply to reduce the hassle for themselves. Comments or questions from you might make them do onerous things, like check their smartphone some additional times, read, or think. And shouldn't you be able to ghost someone and walk all over their feelings in a more convenient way?
Plus, this likely is not their first time around the block doing the ghosting thing. When they have the habit of walking over people's feelings without much consideration, chances are they've encountered at least one person who didn't take the ghosting too kindly and sought some kind of revenge a la Liam Neeson in Taken. You see, life ain't always that easy for people who are disrespectful to others.
Another motive for cloaking is to keep you from learning more about them and their lives on social media. Maybe they have things to hide and are worried that their last set of behaviors toward you will prompt you to take a deeper dive into who they really are. Maybe you will find they were not who they portrayed themselves to be. Perhaps you'll find a trail of destruction that they've left with other people. Or maybe their primary reason for ghosting you is to keep you from getting too close to some kind of truth.
Finally, cloaking can be an attempt to turn the tables on you and make it seem like you did something so awful that they had no choice but to ghost you. They can then tell others you were so bad that they had to block you on social media. Yep, it's the ghost-cloak-and-smear-your-reputation combo. The switcheroo can help further alleviate the guilt they should be feeling and help keep their reputation with others intact. And cloaking can prevent you from detecting their smear campaign, since you can't read what they may be posting about you on social media. Doesn't all of this make you want the ghosters and cloakers to be part of your life?
Experiencing cloaking after being ghosted can compound the confusion and hurt caused by the ghosting. In the words of the Pet Shop Boys song, you may be left wondering what did you do to deserve this. Unless you stalked and harassed them, why should they go through the seemingly drastic means of blocking you on all communication channels,
The best way to deal with such folks is to understand that cloaking reveals who they really are. Ghosting and cloaking you the opposite of what they should be doing: communicating maturely, taking responsibility for their actions, and displaying empathy. Ultimately, they are showing how self-centered they are and how little they consider your feelings. Their disappearing act makes apparent what spending any more time with them might have been like.
Initially, being ghosted and cloaked can make it seem difficult for you to get closure on whatever happened. You probably want that big explanation and apology that happens near the end of a Hollywood rom-com—you know, where the protagonist confronts the antagonist, the antagonist shows remorse, and a slow clap from everyone else follows. Chances are that won't happen with a ghoster/cloaker.
Remember, though, that you are the one who has to give closure to yourself. Don't rely on others. Tell yourself that you are fortunate that they revealed their true self sooner rather than later, when the damage could have been worse.
