Negotiating a Fair Share of Household Responsibilities

Since it began more than 100 years ago, International Women’s Day has elicited a wide variety of responses from women around the world. Many use this occasion to celebrate advances in women’s rights, safety, and equity. Others take advantage of this day as an opportunity to bring awareness to the glaring and reprehensible social, societal, and economic inequities; systematic injustices; and dangers faced by women, from gender bias around access to education, hiring, and compensation, to safety, representation in the media, and basic human rights relative to those of men in many countries.

Finally, according to the sobering conclusion of the 2018 World Economic Forum Global Gender Gap report, it will take another century for women to achieve the same rights as men and to create a world in which we no longer need a day to mark the ongoing struggles of womenkind.

The Unfair Burden

These inequities exist both in the world at large and in the work and family lives of women. A Statistics Canada study of unpaid work released in March 2022 examined the value of the "day-to-day tasks that people do, such as cleaning, cooking, and caring for dependent children and adults.” This study found that a disproportionally large share of unpaid household work “was carried out by women in all age groups, ranging from a low of 57.7% for people aged 55 to 64 years, to a high of 61.3% for those aged 25 to 54 years.” Further adding to the burden, according to a 2021 Psychology Today post, women disproportionately carry the household mental load, referring to the burden of anticipating and overseeing—that is to say thinking, planning, and worrying about—the needs of their households and everyone in it.

The recent pandemic, which required many people to work from home, shone a light on the inequities of household tasks, from caregiving to housekeeping, meal preparation, and supervising online schooling.

Its Toll on Relationships

This imbalance negatively impacts partner relationships, from communication, resentments, and relationship problems, to creating tension-heavy dynamics when women—who in overwhelming numbers oversee the overall running of the household—take on the role of nagging their partner to complete tasks. Clearly, negotiating a healthier, and more equitable sharing of the burden of household tasks and responsibilities is the best way forward for individuals and families.

Making Change

How do we begin to create a healthier, more equitable sharing of the burden of household chores and responsibilities? The solution—and change—can start with you. Begin by assessing the reality of how and by whom your household tasks are divided. Next, identify inequities and their impacts on your mental and physical health, and how you see them impacting your relationship.

Then, initiate an honest, conversation with your partner that engages rather than blames or shames them. Work toward a shared vision of how you can begin to make changes that will support and enrich your relationship. Together, you can strive to find common ground and a healthy, fair, and supportive way forward.

How You Can Start Sharing the Burden

Reflect on how the daily tasks, household responsibilities, and the mental load of planning and anticipating the needs of your family members are currently divided.

Recognize the negative impacts of inequities on your mental and physical health.

Initiate a nonconfrontational conversation with your partner in which you can share your concerns, frustrations, and expectations.

Realize that change is possible, but will take time, effort, and communication.

Work together to make concessions and find common ground as you move toward a fair division of household tasks.

Seek the help of a mental health professional if you and your partner are struggling to negotiate a healthy way forward.