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Key points
- Our memories aren't snapshots of the past but rather reconstructions shaped by our life experiences.
- The media and our emotions, social circle, and imagination reshape our memories.
- We can safeguard our memories with four simple practices.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve told a story about how Joe Biden first captured my attention in 1972 when I eagerly rushed home from school to watch the Watergate hearings—my first youthful foray into the rough and tumble world of politics. I can vividly recall Mo Dean, with her blond updo, sitting behind her husband as he was grilled by Joe Biden. My story continued that, years later, I remember I was sewing curtains as I listened to Senator Biden interrogate Clarence Thomas during his Supreme Court hearing.
It's possible I even shared my sweet memory with then-presidential candidate Biden when I met with him a few years ago. If I did, it should be noted he was gracious and didn't tell me he didn't become a U.S. Senator until 1973.
It was only recently an astute friend pointed out my historical error. I was stunned. That memory is, well, so real.
“Memory is a treacherous thing,” wrote author Haruki Murakami, something I recently learned.
How malleable are our memories?
An avalanche of research reveals that our memories aren’t static imprints of past events but rather reconstructions of our experiences. What we remember is continually reshaped by new information and a variety of factors that influence what we recall and how we recall it. Here are a few:
- Media and external events can seep into and reconstruct our memory bank. News reports, social media, and even casual conversations influence our recollections and blur the line between our experience and secondhand information. For example, after 911, the constant exposure to footage of the second plane hitting the World Trade Center led many to form detailed memories of having seen it live, even if they didn’t. This phenomenon, known as flashbulb memories, shows how repetitive media can distort our memories.
- Imagination can be a culprit that distorts our memories. Our minds tend to fill in gaps with assumed or imagined details, blending into past events what we wish or imagine could have happened. For instance, if you imagine yourself as magnanimous in a past conflict, you might start believing you behaved magnanimously, even though perhaps you did not. Were you really as kind as you remember?
- Emotions profoundly impact how we remember the past. Emotionally charged events are more vividly recalled because stress hormones enhance memory formation, and negative emotions tend to overpower and supplant positive ones. This distorts our memories, making deeply emotional aspects of an event stand out while more positive aspects fade away. For instance, a family vacation may be remembered mostly for a meltdown with teenagers rather than for the relaxing moments at the beach.
- Social influences also transform our memories. When engaging with friends and colleagues, we often craft shared narratives to bond or fit in. This can result in the memories of others overriding our own. For example, if a friend mistakenly recalls that you both attended a book fair together years ago, you might start to believe you were there and adopt her memories as your own, even if you actually weren't there.
This shape-shifting nature of memories is akin to the classic game of telephone. A whispered story morphs and mutates with each retelling, as players add their own selective hearing, interpretations, and biases. Ultimately, the final story little resembles the original. Similarly, when you repeatedly mull over an old memory, it can become difficult to distinguish the original details from newly introduced ones.
You can safeguard your memories with four simple practices:
- Acknowledge the chameleon-like nature of memory. Accepting that your memories are wily shape-shifters makes it easier to handle disagreements over past events. This will foster more open and less contentious discussions with others about a long-held and disputed memory.
- Document your life. Journaling, videos, and photographs all help pinpoint and confirm specific details. Documentation also serves as a practical tool for preserving personal history.
- Keep a timeline. We think we will always remember the details of our life experiences, both large and small, but in reality, we won’t. A timeline is a practical reference that you can return to when memories become fuzzy.
- Relive memories with others. Sharing old stories with family and friends who were present will clarify details. As a bonus, research shows that reliving happy memories boosts one’s happiness.
Reflecting on my faux memory of Joe Biden and the Watergate hearings, it's now clear I conflated two distinct memories of separate hearings. This confluence of experiences embellished my recollection that, if nothing else, made for a great story! This is a stark reminder of Joan Didion's wise observation: "Memory is not a container, but a living organism, and it changes with time."
References
De Brigard, F. (2022). Memory, imagination, and mental time travel. Annual Review of Psychology, 73, 319–343.
Hirst, W., Manier, D., & Cohn, M. (2009). The influence of social interactions on memory: A review. Memory & Cognition, 37(2), 278–295.
Phelps, E. A., LaBar, K. S., & Spencer, D. D. (2004). Memory for emotional words as a function of emotional intensity. Learning & Memory, 11(1), 43–54.
Conway, M. A., & Pleydell-Pearce, C. W. (2000). The construction of autobiographical memories in the self-memory system. Psychological Review, 107(2), 261–288.
Loftus, E. F., & Pickrell, J. E. (1995). The formation of false memories. Psychological Science, 7(4), 251–254.
Bohn, A., & McGaugh, J. L. (2023). The impact of personal timelines on memory retrieval and accuracy. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 152(2), 284–298.
Cohen-Lavian, S., & Coman, A. (2021). Repetitive public messaging impacts social memory. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 150(3), 470–482.
