The Power of Chosen Family

Growing up in rural Oregon, as a biracial, queer kid, Brandon Wolf “felt like a stranger who had overstayed my welcome.” At 20 years old, he flew to Orlando for a job at Disney World, which flung open the doors to freedom, belonging, and a new group of friends centered around his best friend Drew and Drew’s partner Juan. Yet in Wolf’s new community, a location that had emerged as a safe space, Pulse nightclub, became the site of a horrific mass shooting in 2016. Wolf survived the shooting. Drew and Juan did not. In the face of incomprehensible grief and trauma, Wolf eventually found healing in activism; he’s now an advocate for LGBTQ+ civil rights and gun safety reform. He documents his story in a powerful new memoir, A Place For Us. —Abigail Fagan

You found community with Drew and Juan, and you’ve built a new community after the shooting. Can you tell us about that journey?
The term “chosen family” didn’t mean a lot to me before 2014. I’d heard it before—in LGBTQ circles it’s a common refrain—but it didn’t have meaning for me. But in 2014, I went on a half-blind date with Drew, who would become my best friend. I found him fascinating for so many reasons—one being that he was one of the first people I’d met who was queer and mixed race and didn’t try to hide any of who he was. Then he met his partner Juan. We became the three musketeers, and that’s how I discovered what chosen family really meant.

If Drew and Juan were the emotional embodiment of safety, Pulse was the physical embodiment of safety. It was that for a lot of people. Pulse is one of the first places I went where I held hands with someone I had a crush on without looking over my shoulder first. Pulse is a sliver of the idea of a place for us in the world, but our place isn’t just inside four walls—it’s with people, in the communities we build together.

At Drew’s funeral, I promised him that I would never stop fighting for a world that he would be proud of. I’ve found power and healing in that commitment. It isn’t just the drive; it’s the people I’ve met along the way. They’ve given me a new sense of community, one grounded in purpose.