Passion’s Frontier

The amorous lovers who appear in jewelry commercials might not represent the average person's picture of romance, but they probably aren't far off. Their gender roles are clearly defined—and there are only two of them. In her book What Love Is, University of British Columbia philosopher Carrie Jenkins explores the forces that limit and expand these notions of romantic love.

How do stories influence our sense of what love is?

Media representations partly create a script for what a relationship is supposed to look like. If people want something that is not represented, where are they going to find role models? It took me 30 years to figure out that an ethical, nonmonogamous relationship was an option, because I'd never seen it on TV, read a book about it, or had a conversation about it. Onscreen, falling in love with two people is a source of tragedy or comedy—you obviously have to choose one lover. There are exceptions to what we normally see, like Brokeback Mountain, but they highlight how entrenched the rule is.

What do you think is the biggest misconception about love?

The idea that love is mysterious and incomprehensible—that you just wait for it to happen—shuts down any effort to think about love clearly and carefully. A kind of love that cannot survive scrutiny might not be the kind we really want. During my lifetime, I've witnessed a massive change in social attitudes toward queer people and their relationships. That revolutionary energy was generated by getting people to think about what love could be.

Is it possible to say what the future of love looks like?

The idea of romantic love is permanently changing, although we're sort of encouraged not to think of it that way. The Victorian construction of love was strongly related to considerations of social position, with limited freedom of choice, especially for women. Over time, some of these restrictions were lifted. When fewer external forces are pushing you toward a particular person, compatibility and personal satisfaction become more important. As the construct changes, the question of what love can become is wide open.