Tip Sheet: How to Get Your Way

Whether you know it or not, you will sell something today. "We are all in sales," insists Daniel Pink, author of To Sell Is Human—whether it's talking up your skills to get a promotion, convincing your kids of the merits of a new bedtime routine, or proving your romantic virtues to a possible partner. New research finds that the average person is far more adept at selling than you might think. To unlock our persuasive potential, social scientists find, we have to dispel three long-standing myths.

Myth #1 Saying more sells more.

Extraversion can be harmful, reports Adam Grant of the University of Pennsylvania, who studied 340 telemarketers. The fast-talkers and light-listeners performed scarcely better than the very introverted. The top performers were those in the middle of the introversion/extraversion spectrum. "They naturally engage in a flexible pattern of talking and listening," Grant explains, so they come across as "more conversational and authentic."

Myth #2 Empathy is the secret weapon.

Empathy is good, but it must be leveraged shrewdly—not just felt. Pink advises strategic mimicry, a form of copycatting body language. (They lean in, you lean in.) Adam Galinsky of Northwestern University suggested this strategy to a group of job candidates just five minutes before they met with recruiters to negotiate compensation; the candidates struck win-win deals more effectively than those who didn't receive the advice.

Myth #3 Optimism beats realism.

How do we actively slip into a positive mindset before presenting our case? Pink points to Bob the Builder—and research by Penn's Dolores Albarracin. Bob, a Claymation contractor on PBS, rallies his crew not by declaring "We can fix it!" but by asking "Can we fix it?" Albarracin calls it "interrogative self-talk." When you pose a question, the brain immediately begins a search for positive answers and recalls past incidents of success.