News: Rebuffed!

When you try to help someone—or, for that matter, give them something—it can feel like a personal affront if they turn you down. But rudeness often has nothing to do with it. You may be offering the wrong kind of help altogether. On the other hand, rejection of a favor can also reflect the following:

1. Pride Sometimes, accepting help can feel like admitting inferiority, inadequacy, dependency, or defeat. An offer of money, for example, even as a loan, can make someone feel like a charity case, and accepting help on a project may register as an inability to successfully complete something unaided.
2. Unworthiness If people grow up thinking that asking for things without explicitly earning them is unacceptably selfish, they might feel that they have no right to your help. If these individuals did allow themselves to take what you are freely offering, they would end up feeling guilty or even anxious.
3. Indebtedness People who seem excessively independent may have learned to be that way because their experience validated the notion that taking anything from anybody is too risky. If your offer threatens their sense of freedom, independence, security, or autonomy, they'll feel compelled to reject it.
4. Vulnerability Those with serious trust issues may fear that accepting a favor will create an imbalance, weakening their status in the relationship. If in the past such "taking" was, unexpectedly, used against them, why would they risk reexperiencing such betrayal?