Advice: He Confuses Women

My parents, a Roman Catholic priest and a nun, kept their
vows of celibacy and met after each had left the clergy. For a long
time, I was interested in becoming a priest, but I want a family. I
have always hoped my partner would wait as I have. But the values and
prior experience of the women I’ve had relationships with have
caused me stress. A wonderful girl I dated for six months recently
wanted to have sex, but I lost interest when she described her prior
relationships, which sounded disgusting and casual. I fear I am just
the next guy on the list. Women are confused by me. This has made me
doubt the legitimacy of my own beliefs and my worth as a heterosexual
man. I am considering having sex for a greater understanding of what I
am talking about.

As the song says: Stop, in the name of love. Having sex may clear
up someone else’s confusion—but it’s bound to
exacerbate yours. First you need to distinguish your own views of
celibacy from those of your parents’. Gratitude and loyalty to Mom
and Dad don’t require you to re-enact their sexual history; you
must examine which views of theirs make sense for your life and times
(which are separate from theirs) and which views don’t. Your view
may wind up coinciding with theirs, but you need to get there strictly on
your own. Perhaps you really do find sexually open women appealing. And
perhaps at some point you may wish to engage in sex. That’s not a
betrayal of Mom and Dad. Sex should always be an expression of love and
respect, not of something you have to prove. So you may be hanging out
with the wrong girls. If you join organizations that reflect your core
values, you’re likely to run into the right people. Consider also
that it may not be people’s past histories that are tripping you up
but your own lack of emotional literacy. You seem unable to
“read” others enough to gauge their feelings and to trust
your own judgment. That’s a matter of basic social skills, not
sexual experience. It’s hard to read the feelings of others when
you still haven’t figured out your own.