Coping in Stressful Times

Diana Soloman lives with her husband, Dennis, on a 13-acre
ranch in the Amish countryside of Ohio. Before her retirement, Diana
had been a plain-clothes narcotics cop as well as an F-16 air mechanic
in Ogden, Utah. Now, Diana's two children and grandson visit her at the
ranch every summer. Hopefully, in a few years, Dennis will join her in
retirement. When he does, she plans to travel America with him. The
recession, though, has set back these plans. Since September 11,
Dennis' steel company has suffered. Clinical psychologist Robert
Markman, Ph.D., looks into how one copes during uneasy
times.

Diana:When I married Denny, the business was doing
really well. Right before 9/11, they had expanded the building. We had
just married in March of that year. The business was great-until
September. It's gotten increasingly difficult. We just filed for Chapter
11.

Dennis and his ex-wife founded the company 23 years ago. It is kind
of like his baby. They have been divorced for almost three years. She is
the CEO, and he is the president. They work together to keep it going. He
loves his job, but it's been pretty stressful.

Since 9/11, we have been struggling, and our house is part of that
struggle. Hopefully, we'll be able to hold on to it. The business is
picking up slowly. And I hope, in the next five years, Denny can sell the
business and retire.

I didn't expect to be where I am right now. I had come to the
conclusion that I would be spending the rest of my life as a spinster. I
was fine with that, because I've lived a full life. I was divorced when
my daughter was 15 months old. So I've been independent. I still
am.

We are at the point in our lives where we accept each other for who
we are. We like the same things. I love to go to gun shows; I think he
was jazzed about that more than anything. He didn't think he would ever
find a woman who likes gun shows.

So much happens in our lives that is unplanned. This
uncertainty seems to be a factor of living and not something resulting
from mistakes or personal inadequacy. Those who survive and creatively
continue seem to have developed a strategy, a way of transforming
obstacles into bridges. The intrinsic value of such a worldview is that
it enables one to weave daily events (desired or undesired) into a
workable pattern. Diana appears to be one of those people who when
faced with life-changing challenges (divorce, single parenthood,
possible bankruptcy) has marshaled the wisdom of her beliefs to not
only cope with the unexpected but also to be proactive in the pursuit
of her goals. We can all benefit from the example of her ability to
keep life in perspective. However, the decisive element may be the
creation and implementation of a viable perspective before bad times
come.

Clinical psychologist Robert Markman, Ph.D., is formerly a staff
psychologist at the Broughton Psychiatric Hospital in Morganton, North
Carolina.