Ask Dr. E

Answers to your questions about attraction, sexuality, mindcontrol,
foot fetishes and more.

Dear Dr. E,

Is it true that at some point during her menstrual cycle a woman is
more attracted to masculine men?

A, Rockhill, NY

Dear A,

The answer seems to be yes. In a recent scientific study, women
were shown photos of men of varying masculinity at different points
during the menstrual cycle. During the most fertile part of their cycle,
women generally found masculine-looking men especially attractive, while
most of the month they preferred more feminine looking men. For men
seeking dates, the research suggests an interesting strategy: If a woman
turns you down, ask again in two weeks.

Dear Dr. E,

I don't want children, to get married or even to date romantically.
However, I occasionally become sexually aroused, and I'm disgusted by the
urges I feel. I understand that reproductive urges are hardwired in the
brain, but is there any way to eradicate the sexual instinct?

M, Atlanta

Dear M,

For many centuries monks and others have reduced sexual urges
through an aesthetic lifestyle; living simply, away from provocative
stimuli and potential sex partners, can keep you relatively calm.
Medications can have a similar effect, which is usually unintended; one
recent study suggests that antidepressants may lower sex drive in a third
of the people who take them. If you're determined to circumvent nature,
both surgical and hormonal treatments are available, which could end your
torment. If all else fails, try law school. (Just kidding--about law
school, I mean.)

Dear DR. E,

How can I control my mind?

P, Hyderabad, India

Dear P,

Mental health professionals use many different approaches to help
people control their thoughts and emotions. We can all learn, for
example, to "reframe" (to interpret what's happening around us in
constructive ways). Mom's criticism might be a sign of her meanness, for
instance, but it could also be an awkward expression of her love. We can
also learn to identify our faulty beliefs and to replace them with more
rational ones. You may tell yourself, for example, that everybody hates
you, but the truth is probably not so bleak. Therapists can also help you
learn a variety of relaxation exercises. Practiced throughout the day,
such exercises can help you stay calm and focused, even when the world
treats you poorly.

Dear Dr. E,

I'm doing a project on dyslexia for my psychology class. Where can
I get information on this condition?

C, Clinton, NC

Dear C,

Dyslexia--a fairly common reading disorder--is one of thousands of
topics in the behavioral sciences that you can easily research through
online databases. PsychINFO, for example, is a huge database of research
findings in psychology that can be accessed for a small fee at
www.apa.org or without charge at most university libraries. Medline is a
more medically oriented database that you can access without charge at
www.healthgate.com.

Dear Dr. E,

What do you call someone who commits a crime and feels no
remorse?

M, New Orleans

Dear M,

If someone commits a crime he or she sees as justified, that
individual might feel no remorse, but we wouldn't necessarily say that he
or she is suffering from a psychological disorder. We might admire a
father, for example, who steals medication to relieve the suffering of
his child. On the other hand, someone who routinely commits self-serving
crimes without feeling any guilt might be said to be suffering from an
"antisocial personality disorder." We used to call such people
psychopaths or sociopaths, but the language has been softened.

Dear Dr. E,

I'm dating a man with a foot fetish. He has never asked me to do
anything with my feet, but he watches foot fetish videos. Is this
healthy?

J, St. Louis

Dear J,

You're in a better position to answer your question than I am. How
are you and your friend getting along? Does his fascination with feet
interfere with your relationship? How well does he function at work and
at home? If he's functioning well and you're getting along, you probably
don't have anything to worry about. Some people get aroused by eyes, some
by breasts, some by legs. What do you have against feet?

"Of all the forms of erotic symbolism, the most frequent is that
which idealizes the foot and shoe."

--Studies in the Psychology of Sex

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