Borderline Personality (BPD) Counselling in Navan
![Photo of Carolyn Duggan, MIACP, Psychotherapist](https://photos.psychologytoday.com/762d5d28-c65e-47df-85ff-b674840fd9e5/1/320x400.png)
Carolyn Duggan
Psychotherapist, MIACP
Verified Verified
Navan, County Meath A83
Waitlist for new clients
I am a Supervisor, Psychotherapist , a Certified DBT and ACT therapist with 14 years experience . I have an excellent understanding of challenges and can help and support you to take action and find meaning , purpose and coping skills in your life. I have a special interest in working with ADHD, Autism, distress, anxiety, depression, emotional regulation, EUPD:BPD, frustration and overwhelming feelings and thoughts. The aim is for you to understand yourself better, to make changes to your life that are more productive and rewarding, and to help you move towards becoming the kind of person you want to be.
I am a Supervisor, Psychotherapist , a Certified DBT and ACT therapist with 14 years experience . I have an excellent understanding of challenges and can help and support you to take action and find meaning , purpose and coping skills in your life. I have a special interest in working with ADHD, Autism, distress, anxiety, depression, emotional regulation, EUPD:BPD, frustration and overwhelming feelings and thoughts. The aim is for you to understand yourself better, to make changes to your life that are more productive and rewarding, and to help you move towards becoming the kind of person you want to be.
![Photo of Martina Fitzpatrick - Martina Fitzpatrick Consultancy, MIACP, Psychotherapist](https://photos.psychologytoday.com/caabde30-5b55-4b11-8109-6ba7e881afb3/1/320x400.jpeg)
Martina Fitzpatrick Consultancy
Psychotherapist, MIACP
Verified Verified
1 Endorsed
Navan, County Meath C15
Individuals attend counselling due to an issue they are experiencing. Allow me to share at this point, that the Latin root meaning of Issue, "is go out, exit" and move forward, to grow. Different meaning from what we are familiar with. Hear the difference. I am fully accredited with the Irish Counsellors and Psychotherapists IACP and I am an experienced Psychotherapist with at least 15 years experience. The emphasis is placed on trusting the process and allowing the progress to unfold for the desired outcome.
Individuals attend counselling due to an issue they are experiencing. Allow me to share at this point, that the Latin root meaning of Issue, "is go out, exit" and move forward, to grow. Different meaning from what we are familiar with. Hear the difference. I am fully accredited with the Irish Counsellors and Psychotherapists IACP and I am an experienced Psychotherapist with at least 15 years experience. The emphasis is placed on trusting the process and allowing the progress to unfold for the desired outcome.
![Photo of Angela Marie Smyth, Pre-Accredited Member IACP, Counsellor](https://photos.psychologytoday.com/d891e15e-cb26-42ad-971e-5e5921967e61/2/320x400.jpeg)
Angela Marie Smyth
Counsellor, Pre-Accredited Member IACP
Verified Verified
3 Endorsed
Navan, County Meath C15
Hi, my name is Angela Marie. I am a qualified counsellor, psychotherapist, and an IACP pre-accredited member. I specialise in providing counselling for couples and individuals, focusing on personal growth, relationship challenges and conflict resolution. My goal is to make counselling accessible and beneficial, helping couples strengthen their bond and reset their relationship for growth and flourishing. I offer support in developing communication skills and modifying dysfunctional behaviours.
Hi, my name is Angela Marie. I am a qualified counsellor, psychotherapist, and an IACP pre-accredited member. I specialise in providing counselling for couples and individuals, focusing on personal growth, relationship challenges and conflict resolution. My goal is to make counselling accessible and beneficial, helping couples strengthen their bond and reset their relationship for growth and flourishing. I offer support in developing communication skills and modifying dysfunctional behaviours.
![Photo of Sandra Smith - Sandra Smith, Grove Therapy, MIACP, Psychotherapist](https://photos.psychologytoday.com/e5b61e39-303c-433b-8b15-0d79682d5317/1/320x400.jpeg)
Many people experience challenging emotions that they need help exploring. I offer a safe and supportive environment so you can explore any issues that might be affecting your overall well-being and happiness. In our sessions, you will be offered a therapeutic and non judgemental space to allow yourself to fully express yourself. We will work together to uncover and work through difficult emotions, offering you the opportunity to move towards self acceptance. I work with adults experiencing emotional difficulties, ranging from (but not limited to) Anxiety, Depression, Trauma, Grief, Loss, Stress, family & work related issues.
Many people experience challenging emotions that they need help exploring. I offer a safe and supportive environment so you can explore any issues that might be affecting your overall well-being and happiness. In our sessions, you will be offered a therapeutic and non judgemental space to allow yourself to fully express yourself. We will work together to uncover and work through difficult emotions, offering you the opportunity to move towards self acceptance. I work with adults experiencing emotional difficulties, ranging from (but not limited to) Anxiety, Depression, Trauma, Grief, Loss, Stress, family & work related issues.
![Photo of Ciarán Everitt, MIACP, Psychotherapist](https://photos.psychologytoday.com/b6647893-31e2-49a2-9010-a041688f1ce2/2/320x400.jpeg)
I offer individual counselling and psychotherapy with clients wishing to explore a wide range of issues such as anxiety, depression, relationship issues, anger issues, self-esteem, meaning in life, bereavement, personal development, childhood trauma, suicide intervention.
I offer individual counselling and psychotherapy with clients wishing to explore a wide range of issues such as anxiety, depression, relationship issues, anger issues, self-esteem, meaning in life, bereavement, personal development, childhood trauma, suicide intervention.
![Photo of Judith Butterly - Anemoi Therapy; Counselling & Psychotherapy, Pre-Accredited Member IACP, Psychotherapist](https://photos.psychologytoday.com/56ed588e-ae08-4a9a-8472-e48fbde5652d/3/320x400.jpeg)
Anemoi Therapy; Counselling & Psychotherapy
Psychotherapist, Pre-Accredited Member IACP
Verified Verified
2 Endorsed
Navan, County Meath C15
Hi, I am Judith Butterly, founder of Anemoi Therapy. I am a qualified counsellor and psychotherapist and a fully accredited IACP member. I counsel Individuals and Couples seeking support for issues affecting their emotional or physical well-being. I understand how difficult it can be to reach out and ask for help; that is why Anemoi Therapy provides a serene, warm and calming environment in which clients can feel safe and secure as they begin their therapeutic journey. I am a mother and also a foster parent; I offer support and encouragement to other foster parents and their families as they embark on their fostering journey.
Hi, I am Judith Butterly, founder of Anemoi Therapy. I am a qualified counsellor and psychotherapist and a fully accredited IACP member. I counsel Individuals and Couples seeking support for issues affecting their emotional or physical well-being. I understand how difficult it can be to reach out and ask for help; that is why Anemoi Therapy provides a serene, warm and calming environment in which clients can feel safe and secure as they begin their therapeutic journey. I am a mother and also a foster parent; I offer support and encouragement to other foster parents and their families as they embark on their fostering journey.
![Photo of Olivia Catherine Edge, MIACP, Psychotherapist](https://photos.psychologytoday.com/4d51220d-6751-4a5c-8849-24d80ab90962/1/320x400.jpeg)
Are you suffering from a distressing life experience? Perhaps you’re feeling alone? Depressed? Anxious? Does your life seem chaotic? Feeling like this is not unusual. Our bodies and minds send us messages to help us navigate life’s challenges and heal from these painful and stressful experiences. Learning to listen to these messages and learning how to use them is at the heart of our wellbeing.
Are you suffering from a distressing life experience? Perhaps you’re feeling alone? Depressed? Anxious? Does your life seem chaotic? Feeling like this is not unusual. Our bodies and minds send us messages to help us navigate life’s challenges and heal from these painful and stressful experiences. Learning to listen to these messages and learning how to use them is at the heart of our wellbeing.
More Therapists Nearby
![Photo of Siobhan Mary Logan - Siobhán Logan Counselling Kildare Services, MIACP, Psychotherapist](https://photos.psychologytoday.com/216ee1fb-98ca-4ca5-bd4b-f0813003e9e0/3/320x400.jpeg)
Siobhán Logan Counselling Kildare Services
Psychotherapist, MIACP
Verified Verified
1 Endorsed
Enfield, County Meath A83
Siobhan is a fully certified CBT, DBT and ACT therapist. She is a member of the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (IACP). She is a Bachelor of Science qualified Humanistic & Integrative Counsellor and Psychotherapist. She works in the Naas and Kilcullen areas of County Kildare. Siobhan is a qualified Acceptance and Commitment Therapist. She has a level 9 Cert in CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) working with children and adolescents She works with her Clients using Talk Therapy integrated with Creative Therapy and Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT). Siobhan has a great interest in Adolescents and Adults.
Siobhan is a fully certified CBT, DBT and ACT therapist. She is a member of the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (IACP). She is a Bachelor of Science qualified Humanistic & Integrative Counsellor and Psychotherapist. She works in the Naas and Kilcullen areas of County Kildare. Siobhan is a qualified Acceptance and Commitment Therapist. She has a level 9 Cert in CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) working with children and adolescents She works with her Clients using Talk Therapy integrated with Creative Therapy and Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT). Siobhan has a great interest in Adolescents and Adults.
![Photo of Siobhan Bartley, MIACP, Psychotherapist](https://photos.psychologytoday.com/44bb3c65-633d-449d-9a51-2ad5861c8a3c/2/320x400.png)
I provide a confidential, non judgemental, safe environment for clients. My approach is integrative drawing on many different approaches such as person centred and CBT. I work with adults and adolescents (aged 16+). Sessions usually last 50mins. I am fully accredited member of the IACP and follow their Professional code of Ethics.
I provide a confidential, non judgemental, safe environment for clients. My approach is integrative drawing on many different approaches such as person centred and CBT. I work with adults and adolescents (aged 16+). Sessions usually last 50mins. I am fully accredited member of the IACP and follow their Professional code of Ethics.
![Photo of Kathleen Crinion - Willow Avenue Therapy, MA, NAPCP, Counsellor](https://photos.psychologytoday.com/ea591c6e-a2ce-49f6-a213-52808690e5c2/1/320x400.jpeg)
You are not your thoughts...Does you mind race? do you worry all the time? Do you feel anxious? Depressed? Can't sleep? Feel worthless? Do you feel overwhelmed? Tired? Lack of libido? Do you feel like no one would understand if you talked about what goes through your mind? There is good news...you can talk to someone, and yes I will understand, without judgement, and with compassion. Together we can identify the reasons for these thoughts and feelings and look at them from a new perspective, almost like looking at them from a distance, afterall...you are not your thoughts!
You are not your thoughts...Does you mind race? do you worry all the time? Do you feel anxious? Depressed? Can't sleep? Feel worthless? Do you feel overwhelmed? Tired? Lack of libido? Do you feel like no one would understand if you talked about what goes through your mind? There is good news...you can talk to someone, and yes I will understand, without judgement, and with compassion. Together we can identify the reasons for these thoughts and feelings and look at them from a new perspective, almost like looking at them from a distance, afterall...you are not your thoughts!
Online Therapists
![Photo of Thom Sherry Psychotherapy Psychosexual Therapy](https://photos.psychologytoday.com/02be8e12-0c73-4e61-bfea-2cd9ae71b7aa/1/320x400.jpeg)
Thom Sherry Psychotherapy Psychosexual Therapy
Verified Verified
1 Endorsed
Dublin, County Dublin D02 (Online Only)
I'm from Dublin and now live in London. I've worked as a Psychotherapist and Psychosexual Therapist in private practice, charities and the NHS in London for 16 years. I work with a range of people presenting with complex difficulties. Such as ADHD , bipolar disorder, BPD, Anxiety, Depression, relationship difficulties, sexual problems , low self esteem, self doubt , imposter syndrome and more. I'm here to help you understand the labels given by yourself and others, and how they form part of your self-belief system , which can be supportive or undermining. How this can impact relationships, career and mental health.
I'm from Dublin and now live in London. I've worked as a Psychotherapist and Psychosexual Therapist in private practice, charities and the NHS in London for 16 years. I work with a range of people presenting with complex difficulties. Such as ADHD , bipolar disorder, BPD, Anxiety, Depression, relationship difficulties, sexual problems , low self esteem, self doubt , imposter syndrome and more. I'm here to help you understand the labels given by yourself and others, and how they form part of your self-belief system , which can be supportive or undermining. How this can impact relationships, career and mental health.
![Photo of Micheli Romao, MSc, MPSI, Psychologist](https://photos.psychologytoday.com/4ad9b4d8-21b6-43b8-b4f3-090fc3818d15/2/320x400.png)
ShootingStar Psychology & Psychotherapy was founded as an extension to my work in medical settings and private clinics. I support patients and clients in building their resilience, living with purpose, creating healthy lifestyles and healing psychological wounds. I work with presentations such as Depression, Anxiety, Trauma, Borderline Personality Disorder, Emotion Regulation, Grief, Self-Esteem, Stress, Psychological symptoms due Chronic Diseases, Unexplained Somatic Complains, Menopause Psychological Symptoms, and Psychological support for cancer patients.
ShootingStar Psychology & Psychotherapy was founded as an extension to my work in medical settings and private clinics. I support patients and clients in building their resilience, living with purpose, creating healthy lifestyles and healing psychological wounds. I work with presentations such as Depression, Anxiety, Trauma, Borderline Personality Disorder, Emotion Regulation, Grief, Self-Esteem, Stress, Psychological symptoms due Chronic Diseases, Unexplained Somatic Complains, Menopause Psychological Symptoms, and Psychological support for cancer patients.
![Photo of Anthony Burke, MSc, MIACP, Psychotherapist](https://photos.psychologytoday.com/50f757d8-46cd-11ea-a6ad-06142c356176/3/320x400.jpeg)
Anthony Burke
Psychotherapist, MSc, MIACP
Verified Verified
Celbridge, County Kildare W23 (Online Only)
Waitlist for new clients
I am currently only working online and do not expect to work in-person until mid 2024. I am a qualified, experienced Integrative Psychotherapist accredited with IACP and IAHIP. I am also a COSRT registered Sexual & Relationship Psychotherapist for both individuals and couples and an EMDR accredited practitioner. I completed postgraduate CBT training in Trinity College Dublin and also completed Foundational and Intensive DBT training. I work with a range of issues including depression, anxiety, anger, grief, psychosexual issues, relationships, self-esteem, borderline personality disorder, self-harm, suicidal ideation and trauma.
I am currently only working online and do not expect to work in-person until mid 2024. I am a qualified, experienced Integrative Psychotherapist accredited with IACP and IAHIP. I am also a COSRT registered Sexual & Relationship Psychotherapist for both individuals and couples and an EMDR accredited practitioner. I completed postgraduate CBT training in Trinity College Dublin and also completed Foundational and Intensive DBT training. I work with a range of issues including depression, anxiety, anger, grief, psychosexual issues, relationships, self-esteem, borderline personality disorder, self-harm, suicidal ideation and trauma.
![Photo of Gillian Fagan, MIACP, Psychotherapist](https://photos.psychologytoday.com/4bb8d6ed-dcfb-49e5-898a-12bc9236acde/1/320x400.jpeg)
I work a lot with personality disorders (EUPD, BPD, BP, ND) and neurodiversity but do not do assessment & diagnosis.
I love how resourceful people can be. Most of us don't question who we are or how we got here until in a crisis or conflict. Therapy can be useful for many reasons; self acceptance, letting go of others expectations, difficulties in relationships, feeling stuck, a personal challenge, or just learning more about yourself. I love studying the science of human behaviour and understanding why we are the way we are. I combine psychology and science with psychotherapy in my approach. I work with a wide variety of issues, and have additional training in a number of areas, constantly developing the services I can offer.
I work a lot with personality disorders (EUPD, BPD, BP, ND) and neurodiversity but do not do assessment & diagnosis.
I love how resourceful people can be. Most of us don't question who we are or how we got here until in a crisis or conflict. Therapy can be useful for many reasons; self acceptance, letting go of others expectations, difficulties in relationships, feeling stuck, a personal challenge, or just learning more about yourself. I love studying the science of human behaviour and understanding why we are the way we are. I combine psychology and science with psychotherapy in my approach. I work with a wide variety of issues, and have additional training in a number of areas, constantly developing the services I can offer.
![Photo of Emma Calio', MSc, IFPP, Psychotherapist](https://photos.psychologytoday.com/6d5d9573-9b1a-4c13-adfd-a8f2cb84bc3d/4/320x400.jpeg)
I am an Adult Psychoanalytic Psychotherapist in clinical practice for over 14 years. I have worked in a variety of clinical settings within the mental health sector including hospitals and day- services. My broad range of experience includes working with psychiatric diagnoses such as psychosis and borderline personalities and with those affected by anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, relationship difficulties, bereavement and traumatic and post traumatic disorders. I provide a safe and non judgemental space for you to speak about any concern and anxiety you may have yourself or within relationship at work or at home.
I am an Adult Psychoanalytic Psychotherapist in clinical practice for over 14 years. I have worked in a variety of clinical settings within the mental health sector including hospitals and day- services. My broad range of experience includes working with psychiatric diagnoses such as psychosis and borderline personalities and with those affected by anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, relationship difficulties, bereavement and traumatic and post traumatic disorders. I provide a safe and non judgemental space for you to speak about any concern and anxiety you may have yourself or within relationship at work or at home.
![Photo of Orla McLoughlin, MSc, CPsychol PSI, Psychologist](https://photos.psychologytoday.com/7ac58451-0653-4ff6-aaa6-646fe72b6d03/1/320x400.jpeg)
Orla McLoughlin
Psychologist, MSc, CPsychol PSI
Verified Verified
1 Endorsed
Dublin, County Dublin D02
Waitlist for new clients
I am an experienced Chartered Counselling Psychologist who works with adults struggling with a range of issues, including feelings of worthlessness and self-hatred, relationship difficulties, depression and apathy, anxiety and avoidance. I also have a particular interest in helping people who have suffered abuse, trauma or systemic oppression to relieve themselves of self-blame and start to heal and feel strong and in control again. I fundamentally believe that people's intense distress and troubling symptoms are not a sign of deficiency or disorder, but a reasonable and understandable response to what they have been through.
I am an experienced Chartered Counselling Psychologist who works with adults struggling with a range of issues, including feelings of worthlessness and self-hatred, relationship difficulties, depression and apathy, anxiety and avoidance. I also have a particular interest in helping people who have suffered abuse, trauma or systemic oppression to relieve themselves of self-blame and start to heal and feel strong and in control again. I fundamentally believe that people's intense distress and troubling symptoms are not a sign of deficiency or disorder, but a reasonable and understandable response to what they have been through.
![Photo of Úna Le Meur, MSc, MIACP, Psychotherapist](https://photos.psychologytoday.com/6faa4801-a487-4d6a-acfb-ae72bb4192a7/1/320x400.jpeg)
Una Le Meur is a member of the Irish Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists. She is a Master of Science in Psychotherapy and Counselling, a Bachelor of Science qualified in Economics and Psychology and has a Diploma in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. She works online in Carlow at weekends. Una works with her Clients using client lead Talk Therapy integrated with Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) and mindfulness practices. She works with Complex Trauma, Depression, Anxiety, Personality Disorders, Bereavement and Loss, Relationship Issues, Addiction, Stress, Behavioural Issues and Abuse.
Una Le Meur is a member of the Irish Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists. She is a Master of Science in Psychotherapy and Counselling, a Bachelor of Science qualified in Economics and Psychology and has a Diploma in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. She works online in Carlow at weekends. Una works with her Clients using client lead Talk Therapy integrated with Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) and mindfulness practices. She works with Complex Trauma, Depression, Anxiety, Personality Disorders, Bereavement and Loss, Relationship Issues, Addiction, Stress, Behavioural Issues and Abuse.
![Photo of Thomas Mark Maher - AnuBeginningsTherapy, MSc, MIACP, Psychotherapist](https://photos.psychologytoday.com/064a48aa-2bf8-44ea-bd07-cbc62bb1cb31/2/320x400.jpeg)
Anú Beginnings Works to Facilitate Each Individual Psychotherapeutically from a Person-Centred Humanistic Integrative Philosophy. Where We Hold Creativity, Passion and Hope as the Foundation in All that We Do
Anú Beginnings Works to Facilitate Each Individual Psychotherapeutically from a Person-Centred Humanistic Integrative Philosophy. Where We Hold Creativity, Passion and Hope as the Foundation in All that We Do
![Photo of Thomas Prior, MIACP, Psychotherapist](https://photos.psychologytoday.com/54ffc6e2-4a27-480b-8ecf-a7196f308416/2/320x400.jpeg)
Thomas is committed to helping individuals better understand themselves and reach their potential with the hope that a better understanding of who we are as a person can provide a more fulfilling and peaceful life. He provides insights and techniques for coping with the many anxieties in life such as social situations, relationships, career as well as struggles with self esteem, depression and finding meaning in life. Thomas believes that taking on the challenge of discovering who we truly are is the best way to find the meaning and motivation for a full life.
Thomas is committed to helping individuals better understand themselves and reach their potential with the hope that a better understanding of who we are as a person can provide a more fulfilling and peaceful life. He provides insights and techniques for coping with the many anxieties in life such as social situations, relationships, career as well as struggles with self esteem, depression and finding meaning in life. Thomas believes that taking on the challenge of discovering who we truly are is the best way to find the meaning and motivation for a full life.
![Photo of Sean McCarthy, MSc, ICP, Psychotherapist](https://photos.psychologytoday.com/c730e353-b067-4c64-808b-b06910b0e575/1/320x400.png)
If you are an adult and have experienced abuse and/or neglect during your early years, then this is an area I have a particular interest in. Equally, if you are looking to gain insight into how early experience comes to shape and mould our adult selves, then perhaps I can help. It may be that you are experiencing a lack of joy or meaning in life and are looking for a safe and confidential space to explore your inner world. You may have anxiety, depression, obsessional thoughts, addictions, relational issues, loneliness, or it may simply be that you are attempting to situate yourself meaningfully into the greater social fabric
If you are an adult and have experienced abuse and/or neglect during your early years, then this is an area I have a particular interest in. Equally, if you are looking to gain insight into how early experience comes to shape and mould our adult selves, then perhaps I can help. It may be that you are experiencing a lack of joy or meaning in life and are looking for a safe and confidential space to explore your inner world. You may have anxiety, depression, obsessional thoughts, addictions, relational issues, loneliness, or it may simply be that you are attempting to situate yourself meaningfully into the greater social fabric
See more therapy options for Navan
Nearby Borderline Personality (BPD) Counsellors Searches for Navan
See More Borderline Personality (BPD) CounsellorsNearby Searches for Navan
See More CounsellorsBorderline Personality (BPD) Counsellors
What is the most successful approach to treating borderline personality disorder?
Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is considered the gold standard of treatment for borderline personality disorder. An evidence-based treatment, it addresses the extreme emotional reactivity, the relationship difficulties, and the acts of self-harm that create so much distress for BPD patients. DBT is a comprehensive program that includes both regular individual psychotherapy sessions and weekly group sessions of skills training.
What happens in treatment of borderline personality disorder?
Treatment typically consists of weekly individual therapy sessions that last an hour and group skill-focused instructional sessions that may last up to two hours. Patients are typically given homework “assignments” in which they are asked to practice in their daily life the skills they acquire in therapy. Patients also keep a diary tracking their emotions and impulses as a way to know which situations are most problematic and to help them gain control over their own behavior. Difficult situations and feelings are typically reviewed in therapy sessions and more constructive solutions found.
What kinds of problems does BPD treatment help with?
DBT was initially developed to dampen the self-destructive impulses of chronically suicidal patients. It is now the treatment of choice for borderline personality disorder, a serious condition marked by extreme emotional reactivity, relationship instability, and self-injurious behaviors. Treatment of BPD helps patients tolerate the flux of emotions without acting on them, often with a specific focus on tolerating negative emotions. DBT addresses the core problems of BPD—fear of abandonment, low self-esteem, and impulsivity.
What is the goal of treatment in borderline personality disorder?
The goal of treatment for borderline personality disorder (BPD) is to relieve the extreme emotional distress that patients experience—to curb their emotional reactivity, to minimize their inclination to self-harm, and to reduce their impulsivity. Toward these ends, patients are not only taught an array of new coping skills and techniques for emotional regulation, they are given opportunities to practice them. Another major goal of treatment is interpersonal effectiveness; patients learn and problem-solve ways to effectively communicate in relationships, especially how to ask for what they need as a way to minimize hurt feelings.