Verified by 
Key points
- Recent media attention on "The Tinder Swindler," "Inventing Anna," and Elizabeth Holmes reveals the dark side of self-promotion.
- Self-promotion and narrative-editing can lead to fragmented identities and an "imposter phenomenon" detrimental to one's mental health.
- Using social media mindfully and intentionally begins with reconnecting with one's values instead of the pressure to impress.
Between The Tinder Swindler and Inventing Anna, Netflix is cashing out on a new true-crime genre of real-life egotistic imposters whose riveting stories are filled with deception and manipulation, yet convoluted with grand aspirations. The Tinder Swindler, a documentary about an Israeli con man claiming to be “the prince of diamonds” who ended up scamming multiple women millions of dollars. Inventing Anna, a Netflix series based on the real story of Anna Sorokin, the daughter of two working-class Russian immigrants who pretended to be a German heiress defrauding banks and wealthy individuals in New York City to fund her dream, a private clubhouse for social elites. A similar story is unfolding in Silicon Valley with Elizabeth Holmes; once a tech rising star set out to revolutionize healthcare, the young tech entrepreneur in a black turtleneck is now convicted of fraud.
If you are like me, it is difficult to know how to feel about these people. Are they visionaries who followed their dreams to a state of madness and delusion? It would be easier to judge them as psychopaths with little empathy for others and overlook how our culture is rewarding imposter behaviors, ways in which we present ourselves inauthentically for social acceptance and approval.
Narrative-editing and ego-padding
Our culture encourages narrative-editing and ego-padding to make our public identities more appealing to others and pave the road to success.
Before the age of social media, each moment of life was as fleeting as the next. No one could see what we ate for breakfast, no one else had access to intimate moments of our birthdays or weddings. With social media, life becomes less like a movie but more of a carefully edited montage. We take hundreds of pictures on vacation just to handpick the few winners to post on social media. With each “like” on our Instagram posts or Facebook status change, an influx of dopamine is released (Macït, Macït, & Güngör, 2018).
In the process of curating our online identities to receive more “likes” and validation from others, life reduces into an algorithm; we become better at picking out content that would get more “likes” on Instagram or more matches on dating apps. From Myspace to Facebook, social media has lost its innocence in fostering connection and evolved into an attention-seeking Tamagotchi with separation anxiety: We work around the clock forging content to feed its insatiable appetite. Both the "Tinder Swindler” and fake heiress knew exactly how to curate their online identities to win more social currency. They posted fancy dinners, extravagant vacations, intimate photos with celebrities and social elites. They understood how to appeal to others’ desires intuitively, to make others want what they have and be associated with them.
Outside social media, another form of “ego-padding” happens in professional settings. Our society’s “fake it until you make it” attitude feeds into the culture of self-promotion and narrative editing. In a simple search on LinkedIn or any professional network, everyone seems to have an intimidatingly powerful title, especially if you live in San Francisco: CEO, co-founder, executive, aspiring entrepreneur. According to a consulting service that evaluated a large number of resumes, about 43% of the sample contained significant inaccuracies (Cullen, 2006).
Similar to the fashion trend of shoulder padding, resume padding is an inflated self-presentation that galvanizes desirability and competency in an increasingly competitive job market. Impression management can take on different forms, from putting “fluent” in a second language despite only being proficient on a conversational level, to an extreme length the “Tinder Swindler” went on to create a fake website, tricking others into believing him as the heir of a diamond empire.
Identity fragmentation and inauthenticity
The culture of self-promotion and unhealthy social comparison can lead to fragmented social identities and feelings of inauthenticity.
Across social media platforms, we hold multiple identities, our leisure identity on Instagram or Facebook, professional identity on LinkedIn, and private identity behind closed doors. In my clinical experience, the greater the gap is between our private and public identities, the greater degree of identity fragmentation and inauthenticity we suffer from suppressing parts of ourselves. When editing our narrative to appeal to a different audience, we lose connections to our authentic selves. We are pressured by the constant need to impress and haunted by the fear of one day someone might find out just how much of a “fraud” we are.
Our society idealizes confidence and success, yet the pathological worshiping of success can lead to unhealthy social comparison and a lack of acceptance of our limitations or compassion for failures. The Tinder Swindler, Inventing Anna, and the cautionary tale of Elizabeth Homles are not isolated incidents; their stories are mere threads woven into the fabric of a problematic cultural narrative on success and fame. In the age of digital media, relentless self-promotion and inflated self-image have replaced the virtue of humility and distracted us from focusing on the quality and value of work.
Every waking moment, we have the chance to decide to move towards who we want to be instead of who we should be. The culture of self-promotion leaves us vulnerable to the virus of inauthenticity and imposter phenomenon, and we can protect ourselves through making mindful and intentional choices on social media platforms: when you post on social media, ask yourself whether it is something you “want” to share with others to foster connection or pressured by the “need” to impress and keep a certain image. On dating apps, notice if you are augmenting your profile by adding an extra inch to your height or pretending to enjoy a hobby to seem more interesting. On your next LinkedIn profile update, notice if you are “enhancing” your skillsets to appeal to a potential employer or colleagues in your network.
Our identities are not defined by social media but by our actions. Social media is an enticing mirage in the middle of an endless desert; admire it, appreciate it, but don’t become too attached because it will not quench our thirst for authenticity.
References
Cullen LT. Getting wise to lies. Time 2006; 167:59–60.
Macït, H. B., Macït, G., & Güngör, O. (2018). A research on social media addiction and dopamine driven feedback. Mehmet Akif Ersoy Üniversitesi İktisadi ve İdari Bilimler Fakültesi Dergisi, 5(3), 882-897.
