Teen Tech Time: A New Approach to Dinner Etiquette

This post was co-written by Carleigh Gneiting and Fiona Fox

It’s a scene we’re all familiar with. At some point during dinnertime, it seems like everyone in the family is enthralled with their phones instead of each other. Maybe you’ve noticed it in other families, or perhaps even in your own. A recent study has shown when eating out, in about 88 percent of families, at least one person used their phone during dinner. Since quality family dinnertime is essential to teen well-being, we want to look at ways to keep this time a positive experience for everyone involved. If parents become absorbed in their phones and ignore their children during mealtimes, they may miss out on opportunities to engage with their children and improve family well-being. And vice-versa: Children who ignore their parents in favor of their phones may close themselves off from chances to connect.

Curbing Mealtime Distractions

Teenagers who report regular family dinners where they can openly talk with their parents, tend to experience lower stress and depression levels. This is assuming that their mealtime interactions consist of healthy, quality interactions. If parents are on their phones, they may be more likely to ignore or scold their children for their behavior than if they were engaged with their children the whole time. The use of phones also may make it harder for families to engage in healthy communication as their attention is divided elsewhere. What can be done?

Set and Communicate Clear Boundaries

Set clear family boundaries when it comes to technology at the dinner table. Media use has the potential for both positive and negative consequences. Depending on your family dynamics you can decide if and how you want to integrate media in your mealtimes- and openly discuss these boundaries as a family. One option is to set a time limit for how long teens need to wait before pulling out their phones during dinner, or a timer on how long they can be used before being put away. Maybe phones are allowed at the table as long as the content is being shared and discussed by everyone. However, you should be cautious. If one person pulls out their phone, it may signal to the rest of the family that it is acceptable to do the same, and soon the whole family is detached.

Watch for cues your teen wants to connect

Pay attention to your teen’s bid for attention. In one study, researchers found that if a teenager observed their parents being more engaged with their phones than with them, the teen might not even attempt to get their parent’s attention. It can be difficult to notice a child’s needs if you are already on your phone, which is why it is essential to be aware of your surroundings. Try to put down your phone and give your teenager your full attention when they want to talk to you. Show them that you value them and want to listen to them. This will lead to some great conversations you might have missed otherwise.

Be Consistent

Make family dinners a consistent practice. If you want to strengthen your relationship with your teenager, have hope! It’s possible! When teens and their parents have positive communication and regular dinners together, teens typically have fewer mental health struggles, in addition to a better bond between parents and their children. You can even use your phones to your advantage when attempting to bond with your child. Looking at social media with your teen can bring you closer together if you take the time to enjoy the content your teen loves, such as memes or funny videos. As parents and teenagers laugh and talk together, parents can feel more connected and more involved in their child’s life. Co-viewing of media is a positive way to interact with your children—when they want to share a meme or YouTube video with you, watch it with them! Our phones are never going away, so you might as well use them to benefit your relationships.

The next time you find yourself sharing a meal, remember to set clear family boundaries when it comes to technology at the dinner table, pay attention to your teen’s bid for attention, and make family dinners a consistent practice. If phones are used at the table, try to make them opportunities for sharing and connection instead of withdrawing into yourselves. You might be surprised by how much your teenager opens up to you!

Carleigh Gneiting and Fiona Fox are graduate students at Brigham Young University.