Are You Living Someone Else's Dream?

My beautiful chaos

The end of the year, once the holiday madness has died down, is always a good time for reflection. I love to look back over the past year, see what I've accomplished, and make note of what needs to change for the next year. It's also a time when I look at my goals and ask myself if they're really my goals, or if I'm trying to live someone else's dream.

Case in point:

In my fantasy world I am a neat and tidy person. In this world I have one of those houses that looks as if it's been staged for a magazine layout. There is a place for every (carefully selected) thing and everything is in its place. My desk is organized and I can reach easily to any number of color-coordinated files to retrieve any piece of information. My kitchen is organized, my spices are alphabetized, and my incoming mail goes through a system of opening, filing, and discarding.

In reality, I'm an untidy mess. I'm not a slob, let me just say that, but organization of things - particularly papers­ - is beyond my skill set. Which is pretty inconvenient considering I'm a writer and paper is my primary medium and ultimate product.

So I work at my dream of tidiness.

I work on it because I once heard that the state of a person's room reflects the state of their mind. I work on it because Steve Jobs worked in a clutter-free room that gave him space to think clearly. I work on it because my mother despaired of my untidiness when I was younger, and now my husband empathizes with her. I work on it because I hate apologizing to my house cleaners and making excuses for why my office is such a mess, or explaining how I'm just about to start a big clean up project. But the truth is, I work on it because it's what other people want and expect of me.

But, here's the thing: I thrive in my chaos. What others see as a mess is the product of my creative mind at work. The floor of my office is strewn with brochures and publications for the travel guide I'm writing. I have a shoebox of article ideas, a white board that I use for working out structure and plot for my novel. I have drafts of various works-in-progress, some filed and some sitting on the desk, close at hand when I'm inspired to work on them. I have reference books, notepads and materials for books I'm working on as well as those I have already successfully published. My office - and my mind - is a big giant mess of ideas, all buzzing around, grappling for my attention. And I love it that way. The chaos works for me, and if someone else doesn't like it, that's most definitely their problem, not mine.

I could spend time organizing my stuff, showing off my clean office and demonstrating how organized my mind is, or I can work with the chaos and check off goals and dreams that are really important to me.

So, as 2011 comes to a close and you start making plans for the New Year, make sure you're striving for your own goals. Make sure you're not trying to live someone else's dream.