Staying Chill During the Holiday Season

Holidays are notoriously stressful, which can greatly diminish our ability to enjoy the season. Furthermore, the sense that we “should” gather with loved ones and enjoy ourselves can be a painful reminder of loneliness and loss.

There may be additional pressure this year to make gatherings extra special now that many feel we’re emerging from the pandemic. Yet, unresolved interpersonal issues, conflicts, mental health, and financial concerns likely have not dissipated on their own.

However, like the pandemic, the holidays have the potential to raise awareness of our need to do emotional and relational housekeeping and healing. Prioritizing our mental, emotional, and relationship health and wellness before, during, and after the holidays can help us more smoothly navigate the best and worst of times all year long.

Make your mental wellness gift list to yourself your main priority this season. Proactively feeding that part of yourself will increase the odds of happily navigating the season.

Here are some popular self-care items for your list this (and every) year:

1. Assess what matters the most: Take the time to deeply reflect on what you really want from the holidays. Yes, beautiful décor, gifts, and food can enhance anyone’s gathering, but they play second fiddle to a sense of connection, peacefulness, meaning, gratitude, and appreciation.
2. Make and implement your plan: Don’t just decide what matters. Put your values into action by being specific about your plans. Examples include sticking to a budget, nicely saying no, right-sizing your activities and visits, scheduling time for yourself, and satisficing (aiming for “good enough”), which has been shown to increase our well-being (Schwartz, 2002).
3. Invest in meaningful and memorable experiences: Experiences are more satisfying and memorable than expensive presents, which are quickly forgotten. Instead, invest in activities and experiences that are enjoyable and meaningful (Gilovich, 2014). Cooking together, creating music, playing games, making arts and crafts, or visiting a park can be memorable, low-cost, or free. One impactful strategy for creating long-lasting memories is by being generous to others. Volunteering, donating money as part of your gift giving, or helping loved ones or those in your community who could use a hand provides benefits to both the giver and recipient.
4. Practice kindness and forgiveness: Ever notice that we tend to see virtue and positive intentions in the people we like, and shortcomings and ill intent in the people we dislike? Consider being truly open to revising your negative judgments of others by looking for qualities, strengths, and virtues in all people, including yourself.
5. Enforce your boundaries: Fostering positive judgments of others does not equate to allowing them to cross your boundaries. Know your boundaries and enforce them. It may be helpful to write down and rehearse scripts so that you’re prepared to clearly and kindly enforce them as the need arises.
6. Hold space for yourself: Honor your feelings of loneliness, grief, or disappointment. Notice your feelings and watch them dissipate, since they are impermanent like any other emotion. Give yourself what you need to manage your feelings in a healthy way. Seek new tools (such as well-being resources from the Foundation for Family and Community Healing) and support (medical care, talk therapy, talking to a trusted confidante, etc.) as needed.
7. Know that you are not alone: People are struggling to maintain their well-being across their lives more than ever before, as rates of mental illness are at pandemic levels (NAMI 2020). Remember that while your and others’ struggles are real, so are your blessings. Though you shouldn’t ignore your challenges, spend at least as much time noticing and appreciating your blessings. Every day, write or speak about the things you are grateful for; where you experience love, abundance, health, good fortune, and beauty; and what is going well in your life.
8. Connect with something greater than yourself: When we connect with something greater than ourselves—God/the divine, nature, the night sky, creative works, beauty, truth, love, and generosity—we remember that our problems are comparatively temporary and small. We can also discover that our wisdom and capacity to make our corner of the world a better place is greater than we imagine.

By putting your mental and emotional wellness high on your own gift list, you can make this holiday and 2023 deeply memorable and satisfying.

Happy holidays and 2023!