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I'm writing this article from coronavirus social distancing, week 4.5.
This is the time when most of us are thinking: "I should be doing X, Y, and Z." If not that, we might be starting each sentence with the dangerous phrase, "Now is the time to..."
For example, now is the time to:
- Write that book.
- Clean out that closet.
- Lose weight.
- Eat "right" and overall, just be PERFECT.
- Win the "Perfect Parenting in Quarantine" award.
(That last one? There is no such award, so simmer down, Karen.)
The quarantine life—depending on what's going on personally, of course—is turning into a nightmare of "shoulds," to-do lists, and the ridiculous goal of "finding our purpose." Not that finding our purpose is a ridiculous goal.
But the timing of such a goal?
Finding our life's purpose during a global plague? That is nonsense. I hate to break it to us.
How in the world can we find our purpose when the world is upside down, unemployment is skyrocketing, and life feels bleak and somewhat cloudy for so many of us? How can we learn what we are supposed to "do" with our lives when life (as we know it) is a hot steaming mess? How can we find a time that is joyful and spacious and anxiety-less long enough to meditate on the core values we have and turn them into a direction for our careers, love, and life? Are we seriously looking for perfection, crushing goals, and life's purpose during this time?
Yes, of course we are!
Because why in the world wouldn't we? Why would we make life easier on ourselves?
After all, we have spent a lifetime beating ourselves up for our failures, imperfections, and rolls of jelly around our belly button. Now is the time to really bring home the self-hatred and mean talk. Especially for those of us who have spent a lifetime people-pleasing, stuck in our actions or inactions, and falling off wagons. We're really having a great time finding our purpose!
Quarantine life is ripe for the habit, addiction, self-loathing, and destruction cycle. We are in the prime location and time for depression, uncertainty, addiction, binge eating, news panics, short fuses, social media addiction and subsequent rage, and self-harm. Let's not forget how PTSD and trauma like to show up now. The list goes on and on why this time is hard. We can acknowledge that the timing for improvement is hard.
Yet somehow we are making ourselves feel guilty for the fact that we aren't finding our purpose and shining bright like diamonds.
Look, I am guilty of this exact mindset. I'll be the first to admit that I had a "get ripped in quarantine" goal. Now it's something like: Just don't get diabetes. (I'm not joking. My sugar intake is through the roof, and I'm predisposed.) I'll also admit that I have started two books during quarantine. This might seem like a big deal, but writing is an outlet for me. I am also not scared of writing books. But to someone who is scared of writing books and writing is difficult, now may not be the time to tackle it.
Here's how I am surviving the manic nature of "I have all this time" and "Yet, I have not found my life's purpose."
1. Focus on the things that bring you joy and are somewhat easy for you.
Those are the things to add back into your life. Maybe reading books, drawing, knitting, puzzles, and writing jokes. Maybe learning some Spanish or organizing a closet (when organizing is your jam). For some (not all) of us, this is a time with more "down" time, but it's also a time when we are at home together, without time for ourselves and perhaps assistance like we are accustomed to. Find some joy—whatever it is, and make room for that.
2. Celebrate small victories.
You didn't eat the whole pizza and you wanted to? Good for you! You wanted to crawl into bed and hide all day, but you got out of bed at noon, made a sandwich, and went for a walk on your treadmill? High-five, my friend! This is a time of new normals. Set the bar exceptionally low. And congratulate yourself for reaching it.
And about that to-do list. For now? Throw it in the trash. These lists are just taunting us. There may be an exception: If you are finding yourself truly thriving during this time and your to-do list is keeping you sane and grounded, then go forth. But if you're feeling the pressure of it? Let it go.
3. Forget your purpose.
Right now, just forget that relentless pursuit for your life's purpose. (Unless you already know your big purpose, then maybe you need to dial the execution of said purpose down a little to keep yourself sane.) But like Gary John Bishop said in an interview on my podcast, "Wherever you are, whatever you are doing—that is your purpose."
He's right. Today, our purpose might just be to live and to breathe.
Because right now, exactly where we are? Living and breathing is our purpose. Our purpose is to show up, wherever we are, keep the hope alive, and just keep moving forward. This is hard. It's okay to admit that. So let's just be in this particularly simple (yet also difficult) purpose, right now: living and breathing.
At the end of this tough time, there will be more tough times—that is a theme of life, I'm afraid. But as long as we are determined to keep our hope, continue breathing and doing our best, we will get stronger. With strength, we may eventually find space and time to tackle the to-dos and restart that relentless search for purpose.
But for now? Enjoy reading that book.
Stay safe, everyone.
