Time for a Change? What Discontent Might Be Telling You

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You receive an email about a co-worker’s promotion or new job. Your doctor says she’s concerned about your blood pressure. Or maybe a parent falls and suddenly needs a lot more of your time and attention to make sure they’re safe and supported. Any of these events could trigger a sense of unease or even alarm, causing you to wonder about where you are in your life and whether you might want or need to make a change.

It’s normal to be affected by what’s happening to family members, friends, or colleagues, or by the awareness that you’re not getting any younger. These moments might make you uncomfortable, fearful, and even disgruntled. But they might also be gifts in disguise. Discontent might be an important signal that it’s time to pause and reflect on what really matters now.

Without introspection and reflection, we can find ourselves coasting through life or in a holding pattern that feels secure but is not fulfilling or benefiting us. When was the last time you considered your values, your goals, and how you were living by and striving for them? Every so often it’s worth making the effort to step back from life and reassess. That could lead to a change that is overdue.

Start by taking a deep breath and asking yourself this question: Am I happy with the way things are right now? If not, don't despair—instead, consider taking steps to improve your life.

6 Steps to Making Change Happen

1. Pinpoint the issue. Consider an area of your life where you feel unsettled or uncertain. Is it your career? Finances? A relationship? Your health? Take a few minutes to write about it in a journal. Explore how you would want things to be different in this area.
2. Focus on the possible. Ask yourself the “Miracle Question,” a concept from Solution Focused Therapy that goes something like this: “If I could wave a magic wand and all my problems were solved, how would this area of my life be better?” This technique—by acknowledging that your problems are already solved—is intended to help you avoid getting stuck on any obstacles that might block your view of your goals. Write your answer down.
3. Consider your “Why.” Finish this sentence: “What makes this so important to me is ____________________.” Understanding why you want to make a change can help you take action.
4. Review and reflect. Take a few minutes to read over all of what you wrote. Consider what feelings and physical sensations come up as you read your writing. Write down at least three feeling words and note what you feel in your body. Start to think about what next steps you’d like to take.
5. Talk it through. It may be helpful to explore thoughts and feelings that are connected with this exercise. Check in with a supportive family member, friend, or trusted colleague. If this exercise feels challenging, consider getting the help of a therapist. A mental health professional might be able to help you get at the root of a problem, including anything standing in your way such as conflict avoidance. If talk therapy doesn’t appeal to you, explore other types such as art, music, dance, or drama therapy.
6. Make a plan. Maybe you’ve decided to start a job search or to have a candid conversation with an elderly parent and siblings. Or maybe you need to end or seek a new relationship. Whatever it is, consider using the SMART goals framework to stay motivated and hold yourself accountable.

These strategies will help you get unstuck and move beyond discontent to a better, more positive place in your life.